A
male
age
30-35,
*ooTooYoo
writes:Hey. I started college about 7 weeks ago, and made a lot of friends and there were a few guys I liked. I became really good friends with this one (straight) guy and we started chatting a lot on msn and stuff, then one night he told me he was bisexual, and that he had not long come to realise it. This peice of news made me like him even more, I tried not too, but spending every day with him, it's kind of hard to ignore feelings. Anyway he kept hinting towards the fact that he liked me, and I was confused whether he did or not, then something happened that I'm not going to get into which forced him to tell me he liked me.He told me right after it that nothing can happen as he doesn't want anyone knowing he is bi because he is afraid that people will treat him differant or whatever. I didn't react well as at this point I really liked him. Anyway, a few days later I accepted the fact we couldn't be anymore than friends and told him we would just try and stay as close friends.From then on we have been going to parties together, getting drunk, and being really affectionate towards each other, things like me lying on him and him playing with my hair, and cuddling up to each other and playing with each others hands and sweet stuff like that. This has obviously been making me like him so so so much more, and I kidded myself into thinking it would progress into something more. The other night I told him I had never felt this way about someone before, and I had never felt the way he made me feel when we cuddled and stuff. He said he felt the same. But last night, we had a little argument about him not being able to tell me how he feels and stuff, he then text saying its hard because telling me how he feels will just make things worse for both of us, and that he had feelings for other people aswell.I just broke down at this, he liked other people? This really shattered me, the thought of him flirting with other people, the thought of him with someone else. It was horrible. He then text me saying I'm the one he likes the most. It wasnt the best way he could have put it, as he explained to me on the phone. Because I called him to discuss it.I asked him whether he is planning on getting with whoever he likes, he said he doesn't plan stuff but he doesn't know what will happen. I couldn't believe what I was hearing as I turned someone away just because he said he would be hurt if I went with them. He was saying where does this leave me? He said he can't be with me yet he can't be with anyone else because it would hurt me. I told him I'm not telling him to not get with anyone else, it's just how we have been with each other the past few weeks, yeah we said we would just be close friends but there has been too much affection to just say we have been close friends. I just don't know what to do. I see him everyday. I know I should get out of this as we can't be with each other, yet I'm still madly in like with him. I would probably be ok if it just carried on with us being close friends but with the affection that comes with it, I think its the closest we can be without actually going out with each other. But now I know he likes other people, it just kills me to think about him getting with someone, I don't think I would be able to deal with it. Sorry, I know it's alot to read, but thankyou if you have, I really do need advice :( A x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): Thankyou.
Other things have happened, we have fell out, he is flirting with people infront of me, yet he still says he likes me more than anyone.
I think it's for the best, I'm just sad we can't even be friends now because of everything.
Thankyou guys for replying x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): Tough situation. I'd be pretty upset if a guy told me that I was just one of a number of people that he liked, after being so close. It makes you feel less special.What it comes down to is that this guy has issues that you can't force him to get over. He's afraid of what people think of him, and speaking from experience, regardless of how supportive an environment is, they won't come out until they're good and ready. You're ready. He isn't. Take your cue from there. This boy deserves an ultimatum: Take you or leave you, but don't dither in the middle anymore. You'll feel better when things are more definite.
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A
male
reader, MooTooYoo +, writes (4 November 2009):
MooTooYoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks for replying, yeah it's pretty awful. We arn't talking at the moment, he is ignoring me because "he can't deal with it all".
We tried the staying good friends thing, but we seem to always get into the affectionate situation and as I said I don't think I could stand seeing him with someone else while we are still friends :(
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A
female
reader, SleeplessAura  +, writes (3 November 2009):
M'Kay.
This sounds really awful, and is making me heavily second-guess dumping my girlfriend. Did you ask him if you two could be "just friends"? Because, in my opinion, making sure you stay friends is the most important thing. Then, after he's done being shallow and stops caring what others think, maybe something can come of it...
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