A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I (a girl) have been dating a guy, J, for quite a few months now, and last month J came out to me as a trans woman. Since then, J has been acting more and more feminine. I am straight and have never felt attraction towards women, and the more feminine J acts the less attracted to them I feel. I really like J, and I want to support them but I don't know if I can be in a relationship with them. What do I do?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2020): If possible, maybe you might be friends. Don't feel pressured by political-correctness to submit to his previous deception; and don't delude yourself knowing full-well you thought he was a biological-male, and your feelings have changed knowing otherwise.
Our world accepts and tolerates many things. People feel guilty when it comes down to facing situations with honesty and using tact and common sense. Guilt is not an appropriate response when you must tell someone the truth. Guilt is what you should feel for lying to somebody. You prefer a masculine biological-male, but you no longer feel the same about J.
He should have told you from the beginning to allow you to make a choice based on the truth. Not spring it on you once he figured you'd be confused by your feelings.
He will have to find someone who will accept him for who he is. Not someone feeling shocked and wondering what she should do. You know what to do. Like you'd do with any guy who you decide isn't your type. He doesn't want your support or pity; he's looking for a girlfriend, who is attracted to him even knowing he is a trans-male.
He'd understand. Like any guy, he has to face rejection; and take it like a man. Lying by omission, is still lying. Love should never be prefaced with lies or deception.
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (9 November 2020):
 You even said yourself that the more feminine J gets the less attracted you feel.
He is not the person you started dating, not the person you started generating feelings for.
Not that you have an issue with trans of course, but the fact here is you want to be in a relationship with a man, and not a woman.
I think that you should end this relationship and move on with your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2020): Wish her good luck and say good bye.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (9 November 2020):
 You need to be honest with him. You can't have the right kind of feelings for him and you both deserve better. Wish him the best and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 November 2020):
 Be honest!
Tell him that you care for him as a person but that you don't see a future with him.
HE has made the choice to come out as trans, something I think he has known for LONGER than he has dated you. So he KNEW when you two started dated and now decided that now is the RIGHT time for HIM to make the switch. Doesn't mean it would be right for you.
Personally? I think staying with him/her as a "romantic" partner is being fake. Because you don't want a FEMALE partner. You want to DATE a man. And that is OK, he/she should be dating someone who IS attracted to the "whole package".
J is no longer the guy you started dating. He is now working on being a she. That is ALL about him, not you. As it should be. This is HOW he wants to live his life.
I'd wish him well and move on. Not because he is trans, but because HE wants to go down a whole other path in life than you.
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