A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy who came on really, really strong at first. Talking about falling in love with me, etc. I was a bit hesitant at first.Then, I sort of started to believe him, and started to go along with what he said. He mentioned waking up with me, living with me, etc., etc., etc. I started believing him more and more.Stuff is very busy and stressful in my life right now, so, I admit that I probably texted him too much.We had this huge argument (all over text), and he said for me to split and leave him alone. Later on, we made up, and he said he was just being a jerk and he was sorry and afraid of falling in love.Then, later, we have another huge argument (again, I am totally caught off guard by it--totally unexpected) and he again tells me to split. But, he and I still continue to text each other randomly. He asks me out multiple times, I turn him down due to timing. The most recent time he flakes on me, but I had a feeling he would. I give him space for a few days as I thought that was just so disrespectful.Then, we start texting again. I ask him if he misses me, and again, he goes off on me and tells me to split. He puts me down, calls me crazy, a stalker, etc. I told him I wasn't trying to be in a relationship with him, just be friendly towards him. He just put me down and told me to leave him alone, and made some negative comments about me being a stalker and that he told his family I was. I just feel so embarrassed and ashamed.I am not a stalker, and wasn't trying to have a relationship with him. He is not stable right now in his life, and I thought I could be friendly. I do admit I really liked his personality, and I was ok with us just being friends.He won't talk about things---only text or email and even then he is just going off on me and telling him not to contact him. It's like, he won't admit that he texts me, or says certain things, etc.I feel very ashamed. Also, I feel bad because he is at a not so good place in his life, I never judged him for us not being able to go out on a date or me visit his place, etc., and yet, he just dumped me like I was damaged goods. I feel very stupid and silly as I am not the kind of person he makes me out to be, but he also refuses to have any kind of real conversation. :( I told him that he has hurt me multiple times already in the short time we have known each other, and he doesn't respond. He just doesn't care. I feel really stupid. :( Not sure what to do, other than just leave him alone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your support and encouragement. I do realize I need to treat myself a lot better, and I cannot fix guys, nor is it my responsibility to do so. Also, I think the guy may be the type where he does put down women once he is done with them or doesn't like them for whatever reason. I am very happy that we didn't end up in an long term relationship, because he really worries me as far as his mental stability is concern.
Thank you everyone for being supportive of me and helping me to see things a lot more clearly. Sometimes I just get lonely and I do worry about meeting someone who will like me for me, so, perhaps I tend to be too trusting at first. Sigh.
You all are awesome people. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): OMG are you in LA because I'm dating someone who is acting JUST like that. Wow I'm in a similar situation, but I remind myself and HIM that you're free to have your own opinion of me. I know the truth whether or not you choose to believe that. Girl, you need to let go. I need to let go. I'm kinda writing this for me too!
He's not your friend if he puts you down.
I'm learning that guys that come on REALLY strong in the first few dates possibly have sociopathic tendencies. Focus more energy on yourself. Do things to help boost your self esteem. You are worthy of someone who treats you with respect. You are worthy of someone who will take the time to really get to know and love YOU.
You seem likeable to me from your message and I'm sure many people love you. Love yourself and give more time to those who love and like you. He is not the last man on the earth and if he was, you'd still be better off exploring the earth and finding hobbies to pass the time.
I heard a quote recently "hurt people hurt people". It's good that you are compassionate about his ordeal, but putting yourself first on the compassion list would probably be better. Let God help him. Heck, he needs a therapist. Take care of yourself. Invest in yourself. Go out and use that energy you expend on him and help someone else. Volunteer. I guarantee you that someone would love for you to sit and read to them or help them. Start a hiking club, workout, find meetup groups on meetup.com, get a hobby...do YOU! You are fabulous and if he's not recognizing it, then move on sweetie. He needs a therapist not a girlfriend and I GUARANTEE you that if there is another woman, he is treating her the same. Let her deal w/ his crap. He needs to learn his lesson on his own and will probably hurt many people on the way to his healing. Step aside, you can't do it for him. Take care of yourself.
I'm in your age bracket and have been responding similarly in my situation. I totally understand how you could be conflicted. Put yourself first. Confidence is haaaawt! Don't settle.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Leave him alone. He was off right from the start. In my experience people who talk about falling in love with you right away usually fall out of love just as fast. He also doesn't seem to be very good at communicating either. In the end he is just not stable enough to be friends with you.
Try to remember whatever he thinks of you is not the truth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Coming from someone in the same situation, you quietly know what you did wrong.
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