A
male
age
41-50,
*ommy2k7
writes:When I broke up with my first girlfriend, my mate helped me through it; I cried to her and she listened. She has got a bf of 22, she is 18. He swore at her (the f word) and last night she told me he called her a b***h. What advice, if any, should I give her?
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (28 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the question She texted me last night to say that he dumped her because he said she acted like a child in front of his parents and friends. She sent me the texts he sent her. One of them read:
'U was chilidsh over Dan (I guess thats a friend) coming and u showed it. I dont care no more; it seems like the last couple of days have been a waste of time. I just wanted to get back tonight as after I go to bed when I get up I dont sleep again til Wednesday morning and I'm shattered'
Now, my ex-gf said I acted like a kid in front of her mum, so maybe I'm giving her the wrong advice
I just wanted to know what you thought?
A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (13 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionApparently, she told me they've sorted it out and they're all alright now. I want her to be happy and she seems to be, but I am concerned that he may (I dont think he will) do it again
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (10 August 2007):
 If this person is going to act like this and your friend always comes up with excuses, then all you can do is be there for her if and when it all goes pear shaped, which i'm sure if she is switched on eventually it will.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (10 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey've been dating 3 months now - and he's sworn at her twice in argunents - once, as I said, bitch, and the otbher he said the f word; maybe its a bit too soon for me to let her know that she shouldn't put up with it, or is it unacceptable, no matter how many times?
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (10 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, she texted me last night to say that her bf only called her a bitch because he was drunk. I texted her my opinion, which was, it doesn't matter whether you're drunk or sober, no woman should be called names. Wonder what she'll say to that!
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A
female
reader, puzzled  +, writes (10 August 2007):
 well you should tell her she can do much better than that. No man should treat any one in that manner bu remember its her dissision on wat she does.
puzzled xxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Tell her to love herself a bit more than she loves him and to stop being a doormat.
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (9 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous reply, she's got my ex, she's just a good friend who helped me when I was going through a break-up
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Tell her she deserves a man who will treat her with caring, consideration, courtesy and respect and to DUMP his sorry a$$!
He is being abusive and vindictive. If she tells you she "loves" him, ask why in the world she would WANT to "love" anyone who treats her that way.
Hint: Sometimes when we have low self-esteem, dating someone who behaves like a rotter, as he is doing, reinforces our sense that we don't deserve any better.
You might give that some thought, based on how well you know your friend
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (9 August 2007):
 Yeah I know what you are saying, but what next? Violence?
I am not saying he will hit her, all I am saying is that he has not even a shred of respect for her if all he does is verbally abuse her. Make her see this sort of behaviour is UNACCEPTABLE, She is 18 she has a whole life ahead of her to fall in love with the right person. Do you see what I am saying? I have a daughter a year younger and if I got wind of a guy swearing at her and calling her names, THAT GUY WOULD WISH HE WAS NEVER BORN believe me!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): The only thing you can say is, 'that any man, no matter how upset he is with his lady, does not call the woman he loves, such horrid names. And ask her, if she feels that this guy may have 'respect' issues with her which is absolutely cruical and is the foundation to a healthy relationship.' Then you stop, there and just listen. You've planted a seed in her mind to get her thinking without 'criticizing and condemning her bf'. Your friend is having relationship problems, but because she loves this guy, she is blinded to his character and she's willing to tolerate it. So in effect, they both have a problem. She desperate and needy for this guy, and is willing to be denigraded by this man. This guy has deep respect issues for women, in general. You can't save her until she sees it herself. In a general way, just calmly and subtely give her your views on how should ttreat females, and let her 'see the light' on her own. The only other way, I would encourage you to become actively involved in all this...is if you know she is in danger of being physically hurt. Then you would have to act fast. But if this is a case of the two of them arguing, and her feelings are getting hurt...she is simply looking to you as a support system. As long as she's in this 'love' state with this guy, anything you say to her will likely be disregarded, anyways. Expect that to happen. She has to get to the point of 'enlightenment' all on her own, with a few carefully worded suggestions from you. But never, ever say a bad word to her about her bf, directly. She will back away from you. Handles this with careful discretion and maturity. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Then there's not a thing you can do, just give her your opinion. If she really loves him, why is she coming to you, he ex b.f. for advice about this guy? maybe to avoid being hurt you should back off until she's single again.
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (9 August 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut then she's going to turn round to me and say 'I really love him, I can't leave him'!
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (9 August 2007):
Give her advice that no woman should put up with being called vile names. And to Re-think about her future with this pathetic excuse of a man.
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