A
female
age
51-59,
*ndi5678
writes:He dumped me just over a month ago, out of the blue. we were serious and talked about a future. He said he wanted to be alone, not date anyone and focus on his kids. Since then I have told him how much I love him and want to work it out. He has rejected me every time, but he also sends mixed messages. He says he loves me and if he were to date it would be with me.I recently joined Match.com and he found out and was upset. I told him I still loved him and wanted to be with him, but he doesn't want me and what am I to do?The next day he joined Match.com. He came up on my screen and I saw his profile. What do you make of this? What point is he trying to make? How should I react? Ignore or confront? The problem is, I still love him.
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broke up, mixed messages Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Hi
It IS hard I know, but your doing the right things and friends are invaluable at this time.Wish you luck and in time happiness with a man who deserves you.
A
female
reader, andi5678 +, writes (19 December 2012):
andi5678 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo"oldbag"; I joined match.com only to help me get over him. That way I would not be sitting home every night crying. I did not tell him. I did not want him to know. One of his friends saw my profile and told him.
I have blocked him on match and facebook. I am trying my best to move on. I have been honest with the two match dates I've been on, so I am not misleading anyone.
I appreaciate the advice and I will try to stay strong. It's unfortunate that i have to see him 2x a week at work. I will do my best to avoid. My friends/co-workers are a great support. I wish I did not love him still.
Thank you all for responding.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): So the guy is immature and about games and thinks he is going to 'win' but you are too busy moving on with a healthy and happy life void of him.
You are not going to care, don't email him, text him, talk to him. Act like he doesn't exsist.
Cut him out of your life. Block him. If he doesn't have the courage and honesty to commit to you; why hang unto something that doesn't exsist?
The Man Translation: I just want to use you for sex and chit chat when I am bored or lonely. (thats not love and in fact, very cowardly)
You are going to meet new men and assess them, get to know them, see whom you best interact with in healthy and happy ways.
Don't let fear of being alone rule your judgements. Be wise, patient and keep to standards of worthy men that know and WANT to love you.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 December 2012):
Hi
How on earth did he know you had joined Match dating site?
Block him and forget him, he finished it so your free to do as you please,he cant just switch you on and off,its not fair.
I would focus on friends,family and other things rather than meeting more men though. You need recovery time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2012):
 I agree fully with SVC - he doesn't want you to move on but he doesn't WANT you either...
Let him go, block him and move on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 December 2012):
 He doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either... he wants you to be sitting around and waiting for him should he change his mind and want you back.
BLOCK him on match.com
BLOCK him on email
BLOCK him on the phone and all social media.
GET on with your life. you can love him all you want but if you want a life with a committed partner he's not the one.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (18 December 2012):
 *Continue not contribute. Sorry.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (18 December 2012):
Did you join Match to make him jealous? How did he know you had joined? I think he is feeling jealous but don't know why he joined up, except to hurt you - he said that he wouldn't date anyone for the moment, didn't he?
I think you should ignore his appearance on Match and contribute trying to move on from this guy. But be careful dating other men right now if you're still in love with him - it's not fair to involve anyone else in your turmoil. Better to spend time with friends and lick your wounds for a bit before dating.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (18 December 2012):
 He doesn't know what he wants - but he wants to make sure you stay single so that you're available when and if he ever figure it out.
Don't allow him to manipulate you in that way. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't - there is no middle ground.
If he's having commitment issues - your relationship with him will be a long series of "break-ups and make-ups". You'll never know where you stand at any given time, and it will make moving on and finding the right man very difficult.
Don't waste anymore of your life with this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): You are both free to join dating sites. He's just done exactly the same as you have, so dont worry about it.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Hon, sounds like he has committment issues. Yes, he wants you, No he doesnt want you.....
You are moving on with your life but he has now realised this and is trying to get you back.
To be honest, if you get together with him again, it will be the same process all over.
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