A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’m 30(f) and the guy (39, m) I have been dating for the past 4 months pretty much broke up with me and asked if I’d be ok with being just friends. His reason was because he says he physically can’t sexually please me. I have never said anything about not being satisfied with him and we have only had sex about 3 times. Each of those 3 times, he couldn’t get or maintain an erection. It didn’t bother me because he pleased me in other ways sexually and non-sexually. In fact, I have been falling for him…as a person.He is the sweetest man I’d ever met. Paid for every date and always wanted to see me, hold my hand, lay on me, etc. I felt we were getting closer because he was confiding in me more personal things about himself. In fact, it was after he expressed a big insecurity to me that his texting dwindled. I was always 100% supportive. Anyways, I couldn’t take his distance, so after 3 days of radio silence from both of our ends, I reached out and asked if he was okay and if I had done something wrong that made him not want to talk? That’s when he said “I’m sorry but I can’t please you sexually so I backed off a bit.” I asked if he had planned on speaking to me about this and he said he lacked the courage to bring it up first. I had him call me and I asked him if it was me that wasn’t satisfying him and he said no. He asked for me to not make him say it out loud, and again all he would say is, “I physically can’t” and “would you be ok only being friends?” I said I wanted more and he apologized. I text him a bit later saying he broke my heart, and he said “I’m sorry” with a few sad faces. I left it at that.How did this guy go from wanting me to be his gf, talk about living together, expressing to me he wished we could be together all the time, to “I can’t satisfy you sexually. Let’s just be friends.” I enjoyed being with him. We had a lot in common. Is this salvageable? Or was this basically him saying he isn’t interested?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2022): It doesn't matter what he said before, what matters is what he's telling you now. He may have more reasons than he wants to confess; but when someone has decided to breakup, you have to let them go. You might have a lot of questions; but when someone wants to breakup with you, your heart has a lot of questions. No matter how many answers you get, the heart doesn't accept the answers. It just has more questions. The answer it wants is that you aren't breaking-up.
Give him an amicable breakup. Be dignified and mature. Don't be friends if you don't want to. Not everybody feels like being friends with people who have rejected them. Some people won't let-go, no matter what; but they'll live longing in frustration, infatuated, and under the bondage of unrequited-love. They will become jealous when someone else enters the life of their ex; being resentful that they were replaced. I don't know how some people do it! If you're done with me, I'm done with you. See you somewhere in the universe! If our paths cross, I'll be cordial, and on my way!
It's going to be a rough road letting-go; but you'll pull through it. If you're over 30, this is unlikely the first-time you've broken-up with someone. It doesn't make it better, you're just more experienced and aware that you'll survive it.
Don't accept calls or messages; and block him from all your social media accounts. No matter how much you crave to, DO NOT BOTHER HIM!!! You need the time and space to detach and let-go!
It's pathetic and undignified to keep begging for answers; or pleading for someone to comeback. Let him go!!! Take it to mean he is placing your needs first; and don't let yourself cling to someone who wishes to leave, because you're afraid of loneliness. That's unhealthy and delays your healing and recovery; and you'll agonize through the detachment process.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 August 2022):
 I think you should just let him go.
Either there is something medically "wrong" with him and thus he has ED, or he isn't SEXUALLY attracted to you, or he is really gay, or he has had a trauma of a sexual nature (abuse/rape).
If I were a betting person, I'd be for door #2. He isn't into you as much as you are into him. He liked the fantasy but not the reality. Or door #3, he is actually gay.
That doesn't mean there is ANYTHING wrong with you (or him) you two are just WRONG for each other.
Let it go, set yourself free and just cut your losses, block, delete and move on.
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