A
female
age
36-40,
*rustated!
writes:I recently broke up with my bf of 1 and a half years. It was a painful breakup because we both love each other a lot. My bf suddenly asked me to leave him because he said he realised he will never be happy with me. I had couple of bfs before and he said he couldn't accept the fact that i loved someone other than him! I was shattered but agreed to leave. Now its been a month and we still talk and end up saying 'I LOVE YOU'. But he always says sorry for what he did to me. I am so confused. And at the other hand,still have hope of him coming back to me despite his pleads not to have hopes. Please help me get a solution!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): hey sorry to hear that. I was looking up in the archives when i came across yours. If i were you i would worry about myself. Make myself. Don't worry about love. Don't bother. Study or just do what you do. Do u have a family? Dad mom i mean or maybe siblings. They love you i guess. Do something to make them proud or at least don't let them down. Its hard to trust anybody or share things. Thats what i've learnt from life. Thats what i tell you dear. Don't worry everything will be alright. Don't fool yourself with such kind of jerks again. Thanks. Hermeonie
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): I don't know what is going on with some of the other answers you've gotten so far. But your BF's "weird problem" shows up on this website almost every single day. It's not weird and it's not a sign he doesn't care about you.
It's retroactive jealousy. It's a common thing but there isn't much to be done about it. Some people experience it very intensely, some not at all, some in the middle. The only unusual thing about your situation is that your BF has a problem with you "loving" someone else. When it's a man with RJ he is usually having a problem with the woman's sexual past rather than her emotional experiences.
The fact that he cares about you is a reason for the problem to be so big to him. Your past causes him emotional pain precisely BECAUSE you mean so much to him, not because you don't. Nobody gets too torn up when some loser they dated for 2 weeks turns out to be someone they can't live with. People really get busted up when it's someone they're crazy about and they don't think it can ever work.
The truth is this probably won't work. He might try very hard but it's not something he has a lot of control over. He feels that he will always be emotionally sharing you with your exes, and that's a deal-breaker for him. I'm sure he would stop feeling that way if he could but that's not how emotions work. Our attractions don't just obey our commands when we want them to. Life would be much easier if they did.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): Sorry but i think he just wants this relationship end.. maybe bored or sthn. Reason he is saying is no reason is at all. And in turn he is putting the blame on you! This is real bad.. He breaks up and he makes YOU feel guilty! Can't you see? this guy is sadistic. Be happy its over for you. Take your time. You'l eventually get somone okay. Gud luck. Tc.
Richard
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): hi frustated. Nobody leaves some one who he loves. I don't know why guys talk like that but i had one bf too who left me saying he still loved me and had other reasons. He didn't tel what... I didn't ask. I don't evn care. Wt d hell?? Mayb they tel just to makes you feel good. It was a long time back its now funny to think.. I cried for many days. one thing you do STOP TALKING! That helps to getting over it fast. And Definitely stop saying i love you!
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A
male
reader, zedd  +, writes (16 March 2010):
You should talk to him about this, not about other stuff and saying "I love you" to each other, that leads nowhere. Talk the boyfriends issue through, I think he has something else in mind that bothers him because I couldn't imagine that there are normal people who can't be happy in a relationship just because the other one had other bfs/gfs before. If it turns out that this really is the case, you should forget him.
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