A
female
age
30-35,
*dg
writes:im a girl 16 years old.. i met this guy he is in my school in class 10 and im in 11... we started to talk to each other and became very good friends and love happened.. before him i had 4 boyfriends and had sex with one of them... he loves me completely and i love him too... but the problem was that i broke up with all my ex-boyfriends and also he came to know that i had sex with one of my earlier boyfriends... and i said "no i didnt have sex with anyone" because i thought he would hate me and leave me.... and he broke up with me and he thinks that i am fake, i cant have feelings for anyone and i will have one more boyfriend in a short span.... I have broken his trust, i have hurted him a lot... but the thing is that i really love him, because of him i have changed a lot and dont want to lose him ever, he really means evrything to me and this time i am not fake at all... but i cant make him realise this that i would do anything for him.... please help me anyone, i am in a big mess right now.. i know he still loves me but he does not want to trust me. i think... please someone help about it please.. i really love him...
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female
reader, sdg +, writes (3 September 2010):
sdg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhmmm...you are rite about dis,he loves me still but does not want to continue the relation..its okay with me and i apologized a lot of times and he says that he has forgiven me..but i know i have hurted him a lot and have told him that i have changed and it will take some time more i will change completly and he said that he dosent want anything else but me to change....he even said that lets see what will happen when ill change...so i am hoping for the best keeping my fingers crossed.....:)
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 Have you tried talking to him? Well, tell him that you learned from your mistake and that you have already changed tell him that you will prove it. Ask him to give you a trial of like 1-2 months and let him monitor how much you've changed. Seriously, if you've apologized and that doesn't work then you've done everything you could you're out of options you will have to accept it and move on. You're young there's other guys out there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): I think he realizes everything you say but he still feels differently than you do. He has the right to his own opinions and he may never see this the same way you do.
I think you have the love with him but sometimes that is not enough. It takes people who are compatible and trust each other. Even when you are mostly a good match there are some things that make it unworkable.
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A
female
reader, sdg +, writes (2 September 2010):
sdg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits not so much easy to move on dude...i love him and he said that i should change and i am changes a sort of and i know in a short span i will change more...past is past i ,love him how do i make him realise this...?????
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010):
Maybe you are not going to go around fearing disease and bacteria but you are not this woman's boyfriend. The fact that she, or you, or anyone else thinks the undisclosed risk is within an acceptable range does not count for squat.
This risk is being applied to his own body and he gets to choose what level of risk he wants to take. He can't do that when the truth gets adjusted to fit whatever does not have bad consequences for his current girlfriend.
She had voluntary sex with her ex. She made a choice. If she lies to her new man about her past then he does not get his rightful choice. I am aware that the truth might cost her the new boyfriend, but those are the consequences of her actions and she must accept them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): 1. You lied to him, therefore he left you. Easy peasy.
2. Lesson: be honest with your next boyfriend.
3. You feel attraction for him, not love.
4. You can (and will) feel attraction for other people.
5. Learn from this bad experience.
6. Move on.
That's it, in a nutshell.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 September 2010):
@Anon assuming that she's been checked out and so was her previous sexual partner. So are you saying a person's sexual history is a current significant others business? No, it's not. The only thing the other needs to inquire that if the significant other has been checked recently...regardless of how many previous sexual partners and who (which is really the question here). Of course a condom needs to be worn every time. I mean what else are you going to do pour Listerine on your dick? We live in a world of diseases and bacteria I'm not going to go around fearing it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I think the reason he broke up with you is because he feels betrayed by you telling him you have not had sex with any one and when he found out you lied to him about that, in his mind he is probably think about what else you have not told him the truth about. Honesty is always the best policy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): "Her past doesn't apply to him"? That idea only works in a world without sexually transmitted diseases.
There is no sure method of protection, not even close. Infection rates in sexually active young people are very high. Most infected people are not aware of it. Not all diseases show up on tests. Not all of testable diseases show up right away. Some diseases will not show until years into the future.
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A
female
reader, sdg +, writes (1 September 2010):
sdg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionactually he has already broken up with me n he says that he dosent trust me n i have hurted him a lot...but we still are friends and we will remain friends as he said...but i cant stop loving him now and wont ever..
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 September 2010):
I don't ever understand guys getting pissed about something that happened before their time. It doesn't apply to him. Also the "Don't ask, don't tell" rule applies as well, I suppose he is unaware of it. However, your mistake was that he found out then asked you for confirmation but you lied. Thus, shattering the trust in the relationship. Now what you can do, is have a serious talk with him explain, that this happened before him and it was nothing but just sex if you were interested in the ex obviously you would be with him instead of this current guy, and that you apologize for lying but you just weren't comfortable of him knowing about that piece of info. Then add you realize that it was wrong to lie about that, you should be completely honest..hopefully he will forgive you because it was just one petty lie...it was also if he was testing you he already knew about it. If he doesn't forgive you then oh well. You're human you make mistakes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): You may not think this is a big deal but he feels differently. He is in a relationship with you, and it matters to him who you are. It is acceptable to tell him nothing about your past but it is not acceptable to tell him lies. He has the right to his own feelings and opinions even if you don't agree.
The trust is broken and that is an extremely difficult thing to repair. He may decide to trust you again or he may not.
He must fully accept you with your real past or he must end the relationship. There can be no middle ground.
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