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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: He broke up with me after I came clean about everything. I told him some stuff I had been hiding. He disliked my past, he was very jealous. He had an awful temper and called me names and treated me bad when he was angry. I hated talking about my past. The more he discovered the worst he reacted, so I developed a great fear to his reactions, therefored I lied or hid stuff. I lied like 3 or 4 times. I swear I panicked to the possible outcome of telling the truth because he never reacted calmly, he didn't make me comfortable to tell him stuff. Plus, my past, I was very ashamed of it. But I had moved on, it was in the past, I had forgiven myself. But I had to tell him.There were a couple of things I hadn't told him. I told him like an hour ago. He left me. I knew he'd dump me. This was toughest decision I've made. Now I feel I lost my soulmate. I love him deeply. I just lied because I feared him so much. I hate myself now, I would've rathered he'd dump me because of what I hid than because I'm a liar. But the damage is done. How can I stop loving him and forgive myself? He was truly unique, he clicked very well with me. It's just that he was very jealous and got upset by, smetimes, minor stuff. I've talked about my past with several people, and everyone says it wasn't bad, that it was just me being a teenager. But not him. He got upset because I once played spin the bottle and gave a peck to a friend, like 2 years prior to dating him. That kind of stuff made him severily angry. I know I hurt him. Do I deserve this?I never cheated on him, I never wanted to. I just feared of losing him, that's why I lied. But recently I started feeling guilty about not being completely honest.I feel like I'm gonna die, I'm so sad. I lost my best friend, I lost everything we had together, we had been through so much and I have such great memories. I hope I find someone who's just like him, except for his jealousy.I learned my lesson. Honesty IS the best policy. I should only kiss guys who I have a relationship with (no one night stands, nothing. It's better to prevent, than to cure. I lost my soulmate...How do I move on? How to stop the self hatred and how to stop loving him? This was my first bf... when we started dating, I knew it was all too good to be true...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I usually identify with the lied-to guys more than the girls with the past stuff in these threads.
But your BF sounds like a dork for getting that worked up over you KISSING too many people. That's about as harmless as it gets.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I'm sorry your partner couldn't have been more understanding. You lied because you were frightened. I can understand that. You did stuff your past that your ashamed of. That's human. It's a rare person who lives a life that is totally unblemished. It seems that you ex is one such saint. I'm sorry that he can't see that your past is just that... something in the past... something done by another person (a more younger you) in another time.
Don't beat yourself up. You didn't kill anyone. Your loving person, loving enough for him to have wanted to be with. If he can't accept the experiences that you have had then he's not the man for you.
I'm kind of glad your not together. He sounds more than a little possessive if he can angry over a kiss that you gave someone before you met him. To tell the truth, I can't see him as a soul mate. If he loved you, he would accept you, warts and all.
I know it hurts now, but it really is for the best. If you got back together, he'd never forgive you for what you have done (well before you knew him) I can't see how anyone can be angry with someone for their past. It's like you should known you would meet him and fall in love. This man is not looking for a soul mate, he wants to marry the virgin Mary.
It is alright to kiss people. Kiss them on the first date even. There is nothing wrong with that. You may not realise it but he's got the problem not you. I think he sounds like a bully..... He's got no right to judge you. He is not god, he's not perfect... The only thing you did wrong was to lie to a man because of love. Learn to respect and love yourself and you will realise that nobody on earth has a right to judge how you live your life, or make you feel as bad as you do at this moment.
How to stop the self hatred? How to stop loving him? When you realise how possessive, controlling and jealous he has been. When you stop trying to live up to unrealistic expectations. When you realise that the next person you fall in love wont care about your past, or who you kissed as long as you stay by their side and keep all your future kisses for then.
I'm glad your away from such a control freak.... Good luck, your worth a hell of a lot more than you have been given.
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