A
female
age
30-35,
*onesomedove
writes:I was in a relationship with this boy for almost a year.He had proposed and wed planned for our future, he couldn't have children, so we decided when the time was right we'd adopt. Well just 3 weeks later, everything changed. He was driving me home and we hadn't spoken at all on the drive,we got to my house and I waited for him to open my door like always, only he didn't. I figured not to make a problem of it so I opened the door thinking he'd walk me to my door and kiss my bye, again like he always did. But he didn't even get out of the car. I asked him to tell me what was wrong. He told me nothing was wrong, but he seemed detached. I figured it was nothing so I kissed him bye, which felt nothing but cold and he told me to call him later. I said ok and later came and I tried to call him, he didn't answer any of my calls or texts.He and I had the same friends so I asked if they had heard from him. They all told me yes. So he was avoiding me? I didn't understand it at all. I tried for weeks to talk or even see him. Now it's 5 months later and I still haven't seen or talked to him since that day. And I'm completely heartbroken. I went on dates but no one could ever take his place. I tried moving on but it's done no good. I still cry for hours trying to make sense of it. Even hearing his name brings me to tears. and because of that I no longer talk to those friends that we once shared. I don't know what I did or what I said to make him not want to see me or talk to me. Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong? and Why can't I move on? Is there something wrong with me?
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female
reader, lonesomedove +, writes (18 December 2009):
lonesomedove is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much for all your advice. I deeply appreciate it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): It ill take along time to get over him as you had figured him as yuor husband. This is now going to be a period of large change for you. What you need most is to get reaquainted with who you are and what you want from life.
If you need closure then there are 2 options. Firstly show up at his work or place he is and demand to know.
Secondly and a much better option is to contact one of your mutual friens preferbly a girl. And simply tell them what happened and ask if they know why.
I doubt you will like the answer though as he ran away for a reason.
Dont bother dating for a while as your heart just wont be in it. Have some fun again with your friends and maybe make some new ones. Is there anything you have always ment to try? nows the time
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 November 2009):
Aww, I'm sorry to see that you're going through something like this. Some boys are such cowards and don't have any idea what they are doing to the person they just left hanging. It's just coldhearted and MEAN!
You didn't do anything wrong. If anyone is to blame it's him. He was unhappy with something either in the relationship or his life and he didn't have the courage to tell you. It's completely jacked up, but it shows you what kind of person he really is and it's a good thing that you didn't marry him! I don't doubt that you're a good person with many great qualities and there is someone out there that will appreciate what you have to offer.
As far as getting over him, it's going to take time. I know 5-months seems like it's been forever, but it really hasn't been. Especially when he just disappeared when you thought that everything was fine--it still leaves you wondering and makes it a little more troublesome to get over compared to a relationship that ended with at least some closure. Nevertheless, you'll get over him eventually.
Even though you've dated other people and you still compare them to him--it's just because you're not ready yet. You're not ready to open up and let someone else in and see them for who THEY really are because you're stuck on the last guy. It's good to go on dates and I think you should continue to do so, even if your heart isn't completely in it, at least it will help keep your confidence up; and you never know, one date might just surprise you and you'll totally forget the coward. Hang in there, it will get better--it just takes time. Unfortunately there's no magic spell to make the pain or memories of him fade away any faster.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): that's really wierd, 5 months? even though you dont talk to any of the friends you shared with him before maybe you could talk to them and see if he's said anything to them about why he just all of the sudden up and left. at least so you can get some closure
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): First off I'm truly sorry this jerk did this to you! I had a guy who I'd been off and on with for almost 3yrs who did the same thing to me. I'm not too sure why he did this to you but it turns out my guy was dating someone else while dating me as well and decided she was the more favorable candidate (even though this girl and I could be twins our personalities are so similar it's kinda creepy). But let me tell you, you did nothing wrong. I too haven't heard anything from my guy in six months. But I know for a fact that I did nothing to make him up and leave and you need to realize that too. I know it hurts to hear but I think what's going on with you is very similar to my situation and that is he's just not interested in you anymore. I cried and did the whole nine, but the fact of the matter is guys don't need closure and when their done their done! Don't get down on yourself I know it's hard not to think it's something you did wrong. But women always want to sit down and talk about why things aren't working but guys don't have to do that which always leaves the girl thinking it was something they did. But rest assure that's not the case, he's just a d***! And if he can up and leave with no explaination knowing it would hurt your feelings makes him an undesirable mate anyways. It will take time but you have to move on, and you will get through this, there are plenty of guys out there who will treat you with respect. So cry, let it out, talk shit about him whatever it takes for you to get over him, I always find that getting out and meeting new people helps in these situations! Good luck! and stay strong I'm living proof you can get through this!
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