A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok firstly I want you to know that this man I'm with is not a d*** head so please don't suggest that I get rid of him based on his ignorance......ok now to what I have to say. I have known this guy for a couple of years but only over the past couple of months have started really hanging out with him. He's 21 and I'm 18.Anyway, he has proposed to become an item and so we've been going out for about a month now.Ok, getting there i swear...After going out on the town, myself and he and also 2 of his other mates went to an all night diner where we caught up with some other friends when him and his mates saw somebody they knew making several negative comments about the person my b/f decided to say "She's 18 and still a virgin" to which him and his mates all laughed.I know he was probably making this comment becuase of his drunken ignorance but it now makes it hard for me to tell him that I'm 18 and a VIRGIN too.I'm sure he would respect me and everything but I have that little ounce of doubt since i heard this comment and makes me wonder what he'll think of me.Please help I need some advice.Thanks,Alicia
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2007): hiya, about your question. i think you being a virgin at 18 shouldn't be embarrassing at all, in fact i would never laugh at anyone at any age being a virgin. your first time is something special and people laughing at a girl being a virgin at any age is stupid and immature. i respect any girl who decides not to rush into sex and wait for the right person, whether she's 18 or 28.to be honest, if i was going out with a girl and she was a virgin, i would prefer if she told me, this is because i'd know to not put any kind of pressure on or mention anything which could make her feels like she's been pressured into sex. if a guy doesn't know his g/f is a virgin then they might suggest sex or slightly pressure them and that can seriously not be good for the girl.i hope i've helped, R
A
female
reader, Vampy Girl 16 +, writes (28 March 2007):
I think you should tell him, sit him down alone and explain how you felt when he said that comment. You should not feel uncomfortable about being a virgin. If he likes you enough or even loves you then he should understand and accept you for who you are. Goodluck!
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A
male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (28 March 2007):
i totally agree with tellulah, you have nothing to worry about.
its refreshing to know there are still sensible people out there who wait to lose their virginity rather than just rushing in.
i think you should be proud of it, not shy or ashamed. if you tell him and he acts wiered or laughs then you quite clearly know this guy isnt what you think he is
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (28 March 2007):
 Why are you worried, you should be proud.
So what if he laughed about it with his mates, just goes to show he is a bit immature thats all. Come on! don't we all say stupid things after one to many. And as he doesn't know about you, you cant really blame him for saying something a bit daft. I bet when he finds out, he will be very proud, that you have been very carefull with yourself, and not slept around. Not that there is anything wrong with that, as long as you are carefull. Its all up to the individual.
XX best wishes
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A
female
reader, Reebe +, writes (28 March 2007):
 Hi
Making immature jokes when your drinking infront of your mates is one thing, but someone you care about telling you the same thing is another.
I would tell him as soon as you feel ready to, just so he's aware, I doubt very much that he'll judge you, and why should he? it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Just be sure that you are comfortable before doing anything and don't regret losing something precious to someone who really doesn't deserve it. Don't feel pressured to do anything and if this guy makes fun of you, then I'd rethink about whether you wanted to be with him.
Good Luck - let me know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, Melanne +, writes (28 March 2007):
 Hi Alicia I understand your fears, but if your boyfriend really loves you then he won't mind. Besides which most men are actually flattered that they will be the first man for you. I can see how you would be feeling after him saying that about the other girl, but that other girl is not his girl and you are. That makes a lot of difference. The other thing is he was in front of his mates and drunk when he said this which in all honesty he was probably showing off.Men also mature slower than us women and when they have a drink they are a law to themselves. Losing your virginity is a major milestone it is the essence of you becoming an adult and so you will be nervous about this as well. I can see why the possible fear of losing your virginity then your boyfriend saying this would make you feel worse. But, I want you to know that being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of and you need to be sure that you want to lose your virginity before having sex with this guy. It is far better to tell the truth and be honest with your boyfriend as soon as possible because his reaction to this will also determine if you really want to be with him.I would encourage you to talk sensibly about this and also seeing your doctor about birth control would be a good idea. You don't want to fall pregnant if you are not ready for a baby. I also want to say full credit to you there are a lot of girls who lose their virginity earlier and sleep around. You haven't done this you have kept it for someone special. Another good idea for you would be to talk to your boyfriend about how many girls he has been out with you don't want to sleep with him and get a sexually transmitted disease. My advice would be to talk about it and then go to see your doctor or health clinic.I hope that I have helped.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): He does sound rather immature, dear. Maybe it was the drinking with the boys that brought this unseemly behaviour out in him, butif I were you, just proceed with caution here. Firstly, it's no one's business whether or not you are a virgin, hun. Any guy that truly cares about you shouldn't judge you, based on your virginity status. If he does, then he's not the right one for you. Know that as a decent girl with some integrity, you bring so much more to the table. Intellect, beauty, compassion. You are only into this relationship only a month--hold off and make sure when you do lose it-it's with someone who loves, appreciates and respects you as a person. This guy may not be the one..learn to discern the character of men you want to be involved with. You should be proud to be a virgin. I am very baffled as to why females allow themselves to feel embarrassment when they still retain their virginity? There is no age that is 'normal' to lose it. So many insecure, needy teen girls lose it at 13 only to regret it much later, when they mature or they become a teen Mom at 14. If you've held out until now, be proud of that and please feel no shame about it. All I am want to impress upon you, is have sex with the guy you love and the guy that respects you for who you are, virgin or not. So I will repeat this, you should be definitely proud of yourself. You’re seem like very strong female with a strong sense of yourself. Stay that way and don't allow anyone to tell you different.
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