A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelloSo, I've known a friend about 20 years. I've always liked him more than a friend but i was usually dating someone else and so was he (sometimes). Anyways, we used to all hang out together me, him and his brother. We lost communication, and his brother got married and so did he. He's divorced now for about 5 years. We started communicating again and he's sweet, and flirty and caring . However, he will ask me out and then sort of make excuses to cancel ( so it seems). For example he agreed to see me a couple weeks ago then said his relative was coming to visit. Could possibly be , then , he said another day and ended up flying out early for his job. So, it made me think perhaps he's not interested after all. Am I wasting my time? Regardless he will always be a friend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2023): The why does not matter. The point is you have to accept how he feels and what he has decided. You could talk to thousands of people about this for thousands of hours and it will not change a thing. You would have wasted many hours of your time - that is the only result you get from it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2023): Perhaps he's conflicted, and doesn't want to change the dynamic of the friendship. He may want to explore romance to ease sexual-tension, but his heart really isn't in it as far as taking things to the level of a committed-relationship.
It could be as simple as, you're a lot more into him than he is into you. He may fancy the idea of being friends with benefits; but he realizes you may be more serious than that. He's cautious that things will result in having sex; and you'll expect a relationship as a result. He changes his mind, because he knows things could go south.
If someone is that indecisive, or makes excuses at the last minute again and again; I'd say it's a waste of time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 January 2023):
 "Am I wasting my time? Regardless he will always be a friend."
Yes, you are probably wasting your time.
You have a 20-year history but nothing has ever come of it, for whatever reason. That should give you a clue.
My guess is he has a fantasy of the two of you together, but he is afraid reality won't live up to it. Or he REALLy likes the IDEA of you two together but doesn't see it really working out.
So Keep it to being friends only and look elsewhere for a partner.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 January 2023):
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