A
female
age
36-40,
*lapure4
writes:Dear Cupid, I'm in the middle of a dilemma. I met this guy 3 months ago via an online dating site and we hit it off right away as friends. During the time, he was relocating from his home state to Atlanta to start anew with his father who just bought a home here, and I was the first person he knew upon moving here. Mind you, this is a strictly platonic friendship and we weren't searching for looking for anything serious. Plus, we found that we had a lot in common because we were from the same state. We also believed in family unity and had an interested in sports (basketball mainly) and nutrition. He seemed like a nice guy over the phone who was open-minded about a lot of things which is something I adore. We could definitely hold each others attention for hours on end, so we were anticipating our first face-to-face meeting two weeks after he moved here. We met up at a cafe and I'd say he was better than the description he gave, including his Facebook photo. He was tall, dark and handsome (about 5"11, athletic build with a wide smile). He looked me in the eye as we spoke, opened the door for me when we left the cafe and waited for me to leave as I left early to attend an appointment. I'd say he was a catch from then on..and every time we spoke, it was fun! Fast forward to yesterday evening, we were talking as usual. Then he poses a question asking to be friends with benefits in the long run, and that he's looking to have his needs met since I'm the only person he knows here. Blah, blah...I started questioning whether this friendship was all a lie because he wants to get laid! I was offended and struck with the concept of him just looking at me as an item, not a person. He retracted his statements after I refused to do so, saying that he understands if we didn't engage in sexual intimacy as friends since its something I don't believe in. Let's say the conversation ended on a bad note with me feeling highly offended that he asked me the question in the first place. Should I drop him as a friend for good? I'm afraid if I hang with him that he will see me as a sexual conquest. I appreciate your comments.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): "I started questioning whether this friendship was all a lie because he wants to get laid!"
Yeah, that's the long and short of it, you were getting played. Certainly if you stay in contact he will hope to score at some point, while he works other angles in the same fashion.
You should meet him someplace, public of course, ask him to take off his belt. Then, cut a notch in it, and give it back, telling him that he can start cutting more notches for those women who didn't fall for the BS, starting with you.
A
female
reader, klapure4 +, writes (5 July 2011):
klapure4 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for those who commented on this post. This situation was definitely an eye opener for me, and a learning curve that you should always find out who someone is before jumping into any such relationship. You never know what their intentions could be, and I'm glad that I found out now rather than later. I truly think its time to part ways for all who feel the same way. I don't want to be the one to criticize all guys for their faults, but there is good and bad in the world and you can find it in both sexes - men and women.
Keep your eyes open folks!
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (5 July 2011):
 He is not the great guy or friend you thought he was.
He essentially asked you,
"Gee, I think you are really great and since I do not have any one else in my life, do you mind if I use you as a seminal recepticle with no responsibilities??
Drop his ass. You can get better friends.
Trust your instincts and move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2011): The good news is he told you his intentions instead of just using you sexually as a convenience and then dragging his feet when it came to commitment. He could have done that but he didn't. Most guys won't be as forthcoming.
The problem is you view him as more than a friend so I don't think a friendship is possible because you will always be looking at the relationship angle and possibly getting your hopes up each time he seems flirtatious with you. He has told you a relationship with him is not possible but a FWB is. Hanging out with him under the guise of friendship would probably just lead to you giving into a FWB and he'd get what he wanted and you wouldn't.
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