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female
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anonymous
writes: What does one do when they are in a loving relationship, but almost all the love is one sided, all the little special things happen because the one partner is the only one doing anything special.I'm in a relationship where I am doing all the work, and the moment I complain about us, or that I don't get the affetcion that I want, i get told by my bf that I can do much better, with a bf and that he doesn't deserve me. I know he loves me, but my problem is that when we argue, and its deep, he is the first one to say that we don't deserve this and that it hurts and perhaps we should move on, he always throws that in my face, where as thats the last thing that I want to happen. It looks its easier for him to dump me, when it gets tough, but when im angry thats the last thing i want he makes me feel insecure that if i do something wrong that he'll threaten me with a breakup, when he knows that I do not want that at all.What can i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): it sounds like you need to talk about the causes of your argument.
But first things first, you must address the issue of him threatening to end it.
If he has always done this, it is because it is a means to control you.
If it's more recently, it could be that he is trying to hold on to the relationship; he probably feels like he is not the cause of the arguments and by saying this it is a way to force you "in line".
If you are genuingly sure that you are putting in all the effort and he is not, and you are sure that things arn't changing despite your concerns there is not much else you can do to fix things.
I think you should have a think about whether or not you really are in a "loving" relationship. It doesn't sound like it. It sounds more like you are in a relationship that you -want- to be loving.
I know it's easier said than done, but if you keep on trying and arn't getting anywhere, there is only one solution. I hope this works out for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): Thats emotional blackmail! Don't let him away with it!
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A
female
reader, soletshearit +, writes (9 May 2006):
 Listen if you feel like that then as hard as it may be you need to break away from this guy...it will hurt for a while but there is no point in staying in a relationship where you are miserable. If he doesn't respect that you are having problems or issues about the relationship then he isn't worth sticking around for. I promise I have been there and am going through the hardest part the last few days but time is a healer...
A relationship should never been all one-sided, it takes two and if one person is doing all the work for both then its not going to ever work and you will never feel satisfied by him...if he really and truely respected your feelings he would take on board what you are saying and do something about it to make you happy...and trust me even if he does that more than likely it won't make much of a difference because you can't change people they can only change themselves.
By the sound of it he isn't worth it and the hardest part is actually breaking free but just keep reminding yourself : NO MAN IS WORTH YOUR TEARS, AND THE ONE WHO IS WON'T MAKE YOU CRY! Please keep me posted on how things are...no one will make the decision for you and no matter how many people tell you what you should and shouldn't do you will only do what you want to do...stay true to yourself and trust yourself - only you know what is best for you deep down!
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