A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and I think is going ok. He talks about his ex since ive been with him and always says how wonderful she is, he split up with his ex when he was 22 years old, now he's 34. He keeps a photo of her that she gave him on his 21st in his drawer. My main concern is that I recently went on his facebook and saw a conversation saying that he would be honoured if she met him for a drink, told her his folks have bought tickets and hotel for his birthday, when he know its me buying it and was flirting with her saying he's seen her photos and still looks good for her age. I also found another conversation with a friend saying he would take her out for a drink for her birthday but told her not to tell me or her boyfriend. Im really worried as I go on holiday end of the month and think he may meet up with them when im away. Please help me on what to do.
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facebook, flirt, his ex, on holiday, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for all your replies. We still havent sorted it out, he still is going to meet her and not tell me when until afterwards. He says I dont trust him and dont have faith in him but I do, I just dont think I trust her. I dont know what to do but as this rate dont think we'll be together much longer.
A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (5 June 2009):
 Hi there, I think I agree with sarcy24, I had another idea until I read your entire letter. If after all this time he is still chasing ghosts, he is too stuck in the past tp waste your time with. Go on your trip, people are going to be trustworthy or they are not, you can't spend your time worrying about them, checking around every corner. again, as sarcy24 said, find someone worth your time and effort, he seems immature as well. Wish you the best in the future. Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): That sucks....Hey, it seems to me that he is being dishonest here, because he knows that you would be very upset if he did these things and is trying to protect you from hurting your feelings, but is also responding to primal urges... Its bad when your lover is dishonest with you. I think you should be more relaxed and not care so much about this one thing, and focus on having a good non-needy honest relationship where if one person even kisses another, you would want to tell the other person about it. How would you feel if he did meet up with her for a drink? Nothing may even happen, and he might realize that he is glad he is an ex and not still with her. Or worst case, they could have sex. How would that make you feel? I imagine from my experience with girls, that you would feel a loss of trust, and also feel like you are not good enough, that he has to go outside the relationship. My personal belief is that yes, there is a loss of trust, but you has already lost the trust, before this event happened. And feeling like you are not good enough, is a fake feeling that is not true. Very much your own insecurity coming out if you have this feeling.Basicly it boils down to this... Is he special enought that you would forgive him? Then it doesn't matter. Just try to get the trust back. And read a couple of books like "The Rules" Time tested secrets for capturing the heart of Mr. Right. And Radical Honesty. And don't confront him in a confronting manner... that will just push him away. Just say that you know about it, and you are sorry for looking through his phone/ emails, and you feel a loss of trust, but hope that whatever he does is right for him.PeaceMonzue
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (5 June 2009):
 He doesn't sound at all trustworthy to me and he may well be up to no good whilst you are away. It could ofcourse all be just chat and he means nothing by it. I think you are remarkably calm over the hotel and tickets story - I would have gone completely bonkers so i am enormously impressed. Do not for one minute think about cancelling your holiday, if he is going to meet people or flirt he is going to do it anyway. I would start to distance myself from him and start to cut the ties a bit, I think you could do an awful lot better and deserve a hell of a lot better! Good luck
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