| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: 2½yrs ago I found e mails between my husband and a female friend declaring their love etc. Also lots of calls in the middle of the night to his cell phone. He denied any sexual relationship and said it was a silly fantasy world he was in at the time. I was 7 month pregnant at the time and asked him to stop. He eventually did and I thought all was improving. Since then there's always been someone else in pur marriage. I've found more messages on his phone from one woman after another (though always one at a time) saying she loves him very much or he is her rock etc. He says I'm being unreasonable and he's always been like that. I know this is a lie as he had no confidence with women when we first met. We've recently separated but he's trying to make me think I'm throwing away my marriage on something trivial and meaningless. He says he's happy with who he is but he's not the man I married - he loved and respected me. What do you think; I am right to leave or are his relationships acceptable AND i AM JUST INSECURE?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 January 2006):
 You did the right thing. You won't regret it.
A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (13 January 2006):
 Well honey, from a male point of view I can honestly say that I have alot of female friends and I don't tell them I love them nor declare any amount of love for them; except brotherly. If I respected (and I do) my fiancee' then I should have absolutely no problem introducing her to them. RIGHT! So how many of these strange women were you introduced too? Also, I have a rule in MY house! (like YOUR house) Unless it's an emergency (and a good one) that dam phone better not ring after 11:00 p.m. and that includes messages. WHY? 1. because I can. 2. This way I am not insecure. 3. If you have something to say then say it in front of me. 4. Don't give me a reason to think your hiding something and I promise to trust you.
Incidently, fantasy worlds are wonderful creative fun; when your daydreaming or sleeping. They have NO PLACE involving an actual human being, let alone of the opposite sex. Please tell me you didn't fall for that?
Let's just say for the sake of discussion that he never cheated on you (bologna). He certainly DOES NOT respect you by giving you incident after incident to worry about. That's not LOVE that's cruelty. I dare venture to say it; but he's very bold. He got away with one, then two, then three; what is the actual number. You my dear are worth way more than the wrinkles he's causing you. I say to you this: If a person could have their cake and eat it too; then why wouldn't they want another slice.
Tell him that it's OVER and not because he cheated once or twice or however many times; it's over because your not going to live YOUR life in some f*ed up fantasy world that caused you undo stress and emotional chaos. Regardless of whether he'll ever respect the woman you were/are is superflous. He claimes it's trivial and meaningless; I say you TOLD him once that's not meaningless, it should have meant MORE. Trivial? ha ha if your seperated that's NOT TRIVIAL. So to you my kind hearted friend enough is enough, if he really treated you good then you wouldn't have worried and wrote your letter.
Good luck
Sincerely
Ed
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (13 January 2006):
Well honey, from a male point of view I can honestly say that I have alot of female friends and I don't tell them I love them nor declare any amount of love for them; except brotherly. If I respected (and I do) my fiancee' then I should have absolutely no problem introducing her to them. RIGHT! So how many of these strange women were you introduced too? Also, I have a rule in MY house! (like YOUR house) Unless it's an emergency (and a good one) that dam phone better not ring after 11:00 p.m. and that includes messages. WHY? 1. because I can. 2. This way I am not insecure. 3. If you have something to say then say it in front of me. 4. Don't give me a reason to think your hiding something and I promise to trust you.
Incidently, fantasy worlds are wonderful creative fun; when your daydreaming or sleeping. They have NO PLACE involving an actual human being, let alone of the opposite sex. Please tell me you didn't fall for that?
Let's just say for the sake of discussion that he never cheated on you (bologna). He certainly DOES NOT respect you by giving you incident after incident to worry about. That's not LOVE that's cruelty. I dare venture to say it; but he's very bold. He got away with one, then two, then three; what is the actual number. You my dear are worth way more than the wrinkles he's causing you. I say to you this: If a person could have their cake and eat it too; then why wouldn't they want another slice.
Tell him that it's OVER and not because he cheated once or twice or however many times; it's over because your not going to live YOUR life in some f*&@ed up fantasy world that caused you undo stress and emotional chaos. Regardless of whether he'll ever respect the woman you were/are is superflous. He claimes it's trivial and meaningless; I say you TOLD him once that's not meaningless, it should have meant MORE. Trivial? ha ha if your seperated that's NOT TRIVIAL. So to you my kind hearted friend enough is enough, if he really treated you good then you wouldn't have worried and wrote your letter.
Good luck
Sincerely
Ed
...............................
A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (13 January 2006):
Well honey, from a male point of view I can honestly say that I have alot of female friends and I don't tell them I love them nor declare any amount of love for them; except brotherly. If I respected (and I do) my fiancee' then I should have absolutely no problem introducing her to them. RIGHT! So how many of these strange women were you introduced too? Also, I have a rule in MY house! (like YOUR house) Unless it's an emergency (and a good one) that dam phone better not ring after 11:00 p.m. and that includes messages. WHY? 1. because I can. 2. This way I am not insecure. 3. If you have something to say then say it in front of me. 4. Don't give me a reason to think your hiding something and I promise to trust you.
Incidently, fantasy worlds are wonderful creative fun; when your daydreaming or sleeping. They have NO PLACE involving an actual human being, let alone of the opposite sex. Please tell me you didn't fall for that?
Let's just say for the sake of discussion that he never cheated on you (bologna). He certainly DOES NOT respect you by giving you incident after incident to worry about. That's not LOVE that's cruelty. I dare venture to say it; but he's very bold. He got away with one, then two, then three; what is the actual number. You my dear are worth way more than the wrinkles he's causing you. I say to you this: If a person could have their cake and eat it too; then why wouldn't they want another slice.
Tell him that it's OVER and not because he cheated once or twice or however many times; it's over because your not going to live YOUR life in some f*&@ed up fantasy world that caused you undo stress and emotional chaos. Regardless of whether he'll ever respect the woman you were/are is superflous. He claimes it's trivial and meaningless; I say you TOLD him once that's not meaningless, it should have meant MORE. Trivial? ha ha if your seperated that's NOT TRIVIAL. So to you my kind hearted friend enough is enough, if he really treated you good then you wouldn't have worried and wrote your letter.
Good luck
Sincerely
Ed
...............................
A
female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (13 January 2006):
 I don't think your being unreasonable at all. No woman should be telling YOUR husband how much she loves him. There has to be something going on. If he hasn't always been like that and you don't feel the love that you felt before, then why stay in a relationship with someone that changed for the worse in your opinion. I wouldn't put up with his actions whatsoever. What he is doing is wrong. No one calls in the middle of the night for no reason. Tell him to get out of his stupid little fantasy world and be the man he used to be because that is who you fell in love with. There's no reason for you to stay around if you're not happy. Many men out there are going to treat you the way you deserve and understand when you think they're doing something inappropriate and care about what you think.
Good Luck!
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