A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I could be here all day writing...But I'll try to sum it up a little. My husband and I were celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary the other night and we got to talking pretty deeply. We are always very open with eachother(so I thought) and always have a lot of sexual talk. During sex we "talk dirty" and some things have been brought up as to imagine, but I never thought anything of them. Anyway he told me he had a sexual encounter with someone in college. At first it was just oral but I could tell he was wanting to tell me more. I wasn't ready for it so I tried to let it him know it was ok and change the subject. But I felt bad, he was trying to confide in me and so I opened myself for him and he told me they actually did have sex. For the moment I was "ok" with it. But since then I'm a wreck. Part of me is ok with it and maybe a lil curious myself about experimenting, another part of me is disgusted, while the other part of me feels betrayed and angry. Why would you wait so long to tell me (which I really do see why) We have always been open and honest. and a little angry b/c I felt it sorta messed up our anniversary. He should have told me another day. Actually I feel he should have told me before we were married and now have a new baby. I feel it should have been my choice to marry a bi-sexual man or not. I'm a little worried our marriage will suffer or end at some point b/c of this. Otherwise we have the best relationship ever. I would appreciate any advice or experiences. I'm so lost and not sure how to deal with this. I don't want to hurt him, I can only imagine what it's been like to hold onto this and he thinks I'm going to look at him differently now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): Ok it's me again. I think I'm being misunderstood... I myself am not bi. I said curious but I was talking of his encounter. We did at the time discuss it very in depth. He told me everything I wanted to know, and then some. He had said he'd do it again but with me. That is where MY curiousity comes in. I can imagine sex with two men, how great would that be. But, I get a little bothered to think of them doing anything together. For a moment when I imagine it, it seems to turn me on but a little weary and now that I know he actualy did, it bothers me when I imagine it. I'm completely lost and all over the place with this. The way I feel doesn't really seem fair to him in my opinion so I'm sorta dealing with it on my own until I can grasp how I really feel about it. Part of me is so disgusted by what he did and I fear I will not get over it. While another part of me thinks maybe we could explore it together. I love him so much and I'm confident I could still love him even with this and if I decide I'm not ok with it but I fear I won't be enough or what he really wants later down the road. I know this is where I should trust him but I believe he doesn't even know what could happen down the road. Right now he thinks he loves me and I'm what he wants but we could both be in for a surprise.?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): Just think honey he married you because he has feelings for you and TRUSTS u. Yeah it would be alittle uncomfortable but u said you r bi right just ask questions to get ur answers that's the only way you'll ever know. You need to ask him how he feels now about things. I am bi and my husband is ok with it now at first he was not at all... U r lucky to have a man who feels he can trust you enough to tell you these things! Just ask him how he feels about it now see how that goes if he is not interested in men anymore then try to let it go don't treat him different just remember he loves you and don't let your marriage go due to the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): I'm am the one that originally posted... He had several encounters with that same man. He admitted he did enjoy it but that it was very uncomfortable and awkward during and afterward but still, he liked it. He said he prefers women not men. Maybe it was just a phase?
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (28 April 2009):
Did he only do it once? Or it was a repeat thing with the same man?
If it was only one time, that hardly makes him "bi". He was just curious as you said you were. Don't cruicify him for it, or it will ruin your open lines of communication.
When you are more calm, tell him you are a little taken aback that he hadn't told you this before, and then ask how he feels about men sexually now. That's what's important now - what are his current feelings.
Good luck.
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