A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this girl recently and we have only had sex twice Both times I think we both had fun and I think that we connect really well emotionally. The reason I worry is that each time I have had trouble reaching orgasm. The first time I didn't climax, but I marked it down to being drunk and wearing a regular thickness condom. So for the second encounter I didn't drink and bought extra sensitive condoms (just in case). After about an hour of foreplay we started having sex. 30 min and about 5 positions later she asked "what can I do to get you off?"I think it was because we could not seem to get into any sort of rhythm. Or when she wanted to be in control I couldn't really feel what she was doing.The only time I could feel anything was when I was doing the thrusting. I finally climaxed when I took control.I don't want her to feel like she cannot please me. And I cannot tell if it is me or her.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 October 2010):
 This has everything to do with knowledge and experience. Make the next session a "teaching" session. Tell her what feels good to you, and likewise, do what feels good to her. No matter how much sexual experience we have, each new person is a new experience.
Also, don't worry about who "has control". Remember, even when it was you who was thrusting, she pleased you, so it's not that she can't please you, because she did. Sex is patience, and technique, and a lifetime of perfecting that technique. It's also the learning of new things, and even though she hasn't found a technique that has yet blown you away, she may discover a new one that you didn't even think of.
You both have an emotional connection. This is HUGE. Don't consider this a problem between you and her. Consider it an opportunity - a clean canvass to paint an intricate sexual picture with. Think of it as an ADVENTURE. If she's as willing to explore as you, you're way ahead of the game! Encourage communication and reassurance, and you can turn this into something mutually mind-blowing!
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