A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so stupid posting on here. But, I am so distraught. I know that no one can really say one thing to make me feel better but I need a helping hand. I am going to see a counselor, too. But, I am falling. I had a break up a couple of months ago. I am not doing well at all. I talked to him last night. He said that he missed me but didn't want to talk to me to cause me anymore pain. The thing is we have the same friends so I see him around. I have never had this hard a time getting over someone. I don't understand why I can't. I go out with friends and do all kinds of things. But, I am completely miserable. He really loved me at one time. Then everyone says that he got scared and said that he didn't see a future with me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007): Hi there,I totally understand where you are coming from. I am an outgoing girl with lots of great friend and a lovely family. I split up with my boyfriend nearly 4 months ago and was only with him a year but god do I feel awful. When does the pain stop hurting? I really have had enough now. This is so unlike me and I am not one for negative thoughts but they seem to enter my head as soon as I awake in the morning. I have tried to keep busy, painted my flat, been on weekend breaks, pursuing a new job - need I go on and it is still there... HELP!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): I always think of a breakup as kind of like getting over an illness. Your heart has been bruised and you need to treat yourself the way that you would treat a good friend who is going through the same thing. Be gentle with yourself and do not beat yourself by analyzing what went wrong...you may never know...it was not meant to be. Somewhere right now there is someone looking for you...you are now free to find him. When I went through a breakup about a year ago it was awful but I have been travelling a lot, have started my masters and got a promotion at my job. I was also pretty frivilous but that was how I handled it. Each person is different and people vary as to how they handle loss. The length and the intensity that you mourn is up to you...there is just no hard and fast rule. Cry a little and then wait for the sun..it will come out. Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): god i feel so bad for you i felt sick reading it cos it brought back so many memories of my own break up and how i felt going through it. all i can say is that is all you can do - you just have to go through it. it will get easier. you wont still feel like this 20 or 30 years from now lol. at some point the pain will go away. until then KEEP BUSY!! get your hair done, get your nails done, have some "me time", see friends, do anything you can to take your mind off it and remember that every day you get a little closer to being over him. best of luck xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007): I've felt exactly like that, twice. Once three years ago, again about 6 months ago. Both times I thought I would never recover. But I am ok now and over it. Both times I was hurt.
Firstly you need to stop thoughts of getting back with him - ok so from you said there could be a tiny tiny chance that one day in the future things could work out with him, but you can't force that, he will come to you if he changes his mind. But you need to be realistic and focus on getting over it and moving on. Which is so easy to say yet so hard to do. Don't expect to feel ok. If you have really loved this guy then of course you will be in pain, it's normal. You probably won't feel great for a good while. But you need to accept that it's over and that you are hurt, but that bit by bit you will get better until eventually you will be fine - it seems worlds away from how you are now, but it will happen. Hearts get broken and we think that there is nobody else for us, but there is always someone else - and someone who won't have made you feel as awful as you are now. Someone who will make you happy, not sad as you are now. Let yourself be upset. Have a good cry. But then be strong, focus yourself on getting better, try not to bump into him coz it wont help. You need to gradually lose the emotional attachment. You dont need a man who can make you feel like this.
To discover new oceans, we have to lose sight of the shore.
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