A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Best way to classify this would be as a sex and dating question, I suppose. Not until 2011 did I start having sex and since january I've been having alot of sex, alot in relation to not having any before this year. And a good amount of it has been risky cuz I'll meet up with random guys from craigslist or another dating site. Of the very few people I've told that I do this, they're all shocked that I would do something like this I guess because I'm always seen as the quiet innocent girl. They're main concern is my safety and that I shouldn't be doing it cuz one of these guys could chop me up and eat me one day or something. But none of this concerns me which is my concern I guess.It's clearly not safe to go to some strange guy's place to have sex with him, but why can I ignore that all the time? Even now I only know its bad cuz people tell me it is but I don't feel that is. Also could this mean that I have some kind of underlying psychological issues? One guy thinks I have daddy issues but I disagree. Ya my parents are divorced but my dad was never absent. I honestly just think I love sex and that there's not a problem in getting it when I want it. Isn't this all ok? or am I delusional?K thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2011): I dont see anything worng with it myself- I wish I knew women like you myself ;) - Why dont you get involved in prostitution or making porn that way you can be paid for it at the same time and get laid even more! :D
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): "And a good amount of it has been risky cuz I'll meet up with random guys from craigslist or another dating site."
I'm nearly 50, I grew up before AIDS was diagnosed for what it is.
Still, I've never known someone who was emotionally healthy who has done this, and I've known a lot of people.
They weren't when they started, but it may not have been apparent.
When they finish, they clearly aren't...sometimes they finish due to death, and I've known those as well.
Some of the most professional, capable, and competent people I've known have done this, at work they seem like the epitome of "enviable normalcy" but they emotionally are wrecks internally. All of them had intimacy issues, without exception. I work in the medical field, I have a lot of experience in dealing with the after effects and the immediate effects of this type of behavior.
Intimacy Issues - Could you have them?
"parents are divorced"
Big predictor...and you definitely have them.
"dad was never absent"
Doesn't matter, its the relationship that matters. Your relationship with your dad, your mom, their relationship to each other and to you, and a whole lot more.
"I love sex"
So what, I do as well, and think about it all day long after all these years, but I don't have sex with random strangers.
"Isn't this all ok? or am I delusional?"
Sure it is OK if you want to end up like a few of my friends and colleagues, and a lot of my patients. However, you clearly are not OK, you are here posting because you know that something is wrong. Get a counselor to help you figure this out. You are going to get a lot of bad advice online and from friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): trancedrhythmear gives good advice. Just be careful and use your judgement. As he said, older guys are a lot more experienced and can be good to learn from.
Nothing wrong with enjoying sex.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (2 August 2011):
 I met up with a girl from craigslist randomly and it was one of the best danb sexual experiences ever. Before u head to someones place or they come to yours tell someone as a precaution. Then just practice safe sex and only do what youre comfortable with. Also older men tend to be more mature n trust worthy than ppl ur age. Be smart and be safe. Theres nothin wrong with enjoying sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): I don't know exactly what psychological issue that you might have or if it's even something that a doc would diagnose.
I will say that what you are doing correlates with mental unhealthiness. I have never known anyone who did what you are doing but still seemed perfectly healthy to me in every other way.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 August 2011):
 It's risky, you understand this, but you still do it? This says you have a low self esteem, using sex as a means to fill a void that you have open within who you are. You need to respect yourself, before you can expect to be respected. I understand wanting sex, and sex is a really awesome thing, but how you do it says about who you are. Why are you afraid of commitment? Going out for random sex, guys aren't going to see you as a choice for them to date for any length of time. You'll be the bootie call. A piece of ass. Even though there is much more about you than what's in between your legs, guys won't spend the time to see that if you're all about sex.
I've seen so many wonderful girls who fall for someone, but they do what you're doing, and the guy they fall for only sees them as someone to have sex with, then they wonder why they aren't seen as more. When a guy loves you, you're giving him your body is a gift. Really!!! He'd treasure every opportunity to be with you. But when you do this, even if he sees you as a gift, he'd see what you do with him as just something you do, not really having any importance, because you've reduced sex to just being sex. This is why I say you have a low self esteem. You're taking what should be an important part of you to share with another, and just giving it out without any holding any importance to yourself.
Your friends are right too. There are a lot of guys out there, that if you hook up with them, they won't have your best interest at heart. It's a hard lesson to learn, and if you continue, at some point, you probably will learn that lesson.
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A
female
reader, doll-face  +, writes (2 August 2011):
You're friends are right, it's a bit dangerous to be meeting up with strangers. Tell one of your friends where you're going and who you'll be with, that way, someone knows where you are.
It's normal to love sex. Just make sure you are using protection, and don't take any excuses from guys who won't. No condom = no fun. You may well be on the pill or some other form of BC, but none of them protect against STIs, so it's essential that you use condoms... with the amouth of people you're sleeping with you could catch and spread something very easily. it would probably be a good idea to be tested anyway, just to be sure!
If you feel like you simply CAN'T live without sex, you should visit your doctor. It sounds silly, but you may be addicted to sex. That's something that will need sorted!
Also, you need to think about your future. What will future partners think about the number of people you've slept with? You also don't want to put your health at risk!
Good luck!
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