A
female
age
36-40,
*essbelle
writes:Ugh. I broke off my engagement but I am having second thoughts after seeing him again.?After a terrible month of really bad communication and him blowing up and disrespecting me and my family in anger, I broke off my engagement. I still loved him, but no matter what I did, I could not make him see that I was feeling unwanted and not worth his time. This is the way he is when he is angry or hurt, but it goes on for days. We have talked off and on because we are both hurting after being together for 7 years. I talk and take responsibility for my part and all I get is silence or him sayng he never wanted this, so it is all my fault. Finally, this past weekend we went to dinner. He brought flowers and we had a really good time just catching up and not talking about all the problems. We went out the next two nights. We kissed and a bit more and I wish so much that we could fix this. Since the break up I have taken a job 2 hours away which to me doesn't seem like very far. He sees it as a huge problem that I would take a job without talking it over with him (we were split...I had taken off the ring and I needed a job). The last night before I went back to my city, he cried and told me how much he loved me and how he would do anything to work it out with me, but he thought not living in the same town would be a problem. I would really like to try again, but I told him I can't put the ring back on until we really work things out. Back to work and I don't hear from him until I'm in bed nearly asleep. He could have called earlier or emailed, and it really bothers me. What is going on here?? Is he just lazy, confused, afraid.... all of these? Do we have a chance?
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male
reader, Ven +, writes (17 October 2010):
He is all of the above. I would imagine that you are so emotionally frazzled that you may be in the same boat he is.
If you are going to try and spend time apart, be serious about it. Make it 2-3 months, cut all contact, and don't let friends or family talk about him. Focus on yourself as a person, your self-esteem, and the problems you have within yourself.
Do not fall into old habits. The two of you broke up because of serious communication issues. Do not let "romantic" moments make you forget that. Yes, dates are a blast and he probably is a really sweet guy, but that has nothing to do with the fact that the two of you have communication issues.
Lastly, I recommend premarital counseling. The stuff is wonderful, and will help you hash out and deal with problems that can drag marriages down for years.
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