A
male
age
30-35,
*iAiRo
writes:Okay, so I have a friend who's birthday is coming up soon, and I want to get her something. In fact I got her something already, but it's kind of a bit too thoughtful for just friends, so naturally I'm having second thoughts about giving it to her.The thing is, I like her as more than a friend. I mean I want to be more than friends with her. She knows I care deeply about her and she likes me too, but she isn't ready for a relationship yet and I think she's a long way from being ready. I don't want to rush anything, if something develops naturally then that would be amazing.I just don't want her to get the wrong impression from the present.My question is this-Should I give her the present I got?Or get her something a bit less thoughtful?(this one sounds worse than it is) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 Give her the teddy bear but don't expect anything in return.
A
male
reader, MiAiRo +, writes (10 March 2012):
MiAiRo is verified as being by the original poster of the question I should have been a bit clearer, sorry:). I'm an intellectual person, I analyze every situation, not with my heart but my mind.
The gift is a teddy bear but a one she has been looking for, for quite some time but had no luck in finding.
I've made my feelings clear to her so I'm not spooking her
And no the problem is not whether or not I'm going to get her, it's whether the present is too much. I know I wont get her.
The long answer was the best but thanks everyone for ye're input
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): Gifts aside, clarification of your friendship/relationship should come first.
You like her more than a friend, so you have feelings involved. You say she isn't ready for a relationship, are you sure? Did she say so, or are you assuming?
From personal experience, something doesn't just develop naturally unless one or both make their intentions clear. Otherwise you may end up just being friends for a long time, and someone else may come along and take your prize.
The fact you already bought the very thoughtful present, why not use this opportunity to express how you really feel? It's her birthday, it's extra special because of what she means to you. So declare your feelings, give her the gift, and she can then say if she feels the same, or whether she does not want more than friendship with you, or wants to wait a while to get more serious.
If however, she has previously told you she doesn't want a relationship, or for whatever reasons isn't ready for a relationship with anyone at all, then keep the thoughtful gift locked away, and get her something appropriate because your sentiments are not reciprocated. Then perhaps in time, as your friendship continues, the day you realise she is ready, or she talks about being ready, then take it to the next level.
Don't lose the opportunity, or ever live with regret. "The One That Got Away" songs are not there for nothing ;-)
Good Luck and wishing you happiness!
xxxx E
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): Just tell her you like her. This weird hovering around as a sweet male friend may spook her.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (9 March 2012):
The real problem is not whether you should give her this or that. The real problem is whether you are going to get the girl or not. I cannot know what the situation is (I just know what you tell us), but from what you say the chances that you'll be getting her are slim. If that is the case, I have to encourage you to see things as they are. You can give her a present, something like a book, some pretty thing to put on her table, a doggy, but don't expect anything from it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012): What was the present? Depends the depth of thoughtfulness.
A ring- yes over board. Necklace, not so much.
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