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female
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anonymous
writes: Here is the trouble, my hubby and I are having with our neighbor's 13 year old daughter. She is continously either crying for attention or really agitating us to get a reaction that will stick to rebel for some reason; that I could not understand.We have lived in our neighborhood going on 14 years and the couple next to us just moved in about 2 years ago. The couple has two kids, 13 and I think their son is 8 years of age.We have a few dogs and we introduced them through our fence and told the neighbor family not to annoy them or they will become unpredictable.We are unfortunate to become real parents, so our children are our dogs!I have caught their daughter tease my dogs and I blurted out that I caught her, I was not too happy with the daughter teasing them and neither were my dogs.Certainly, her mother nor father were around and that bothers me; I am not watching her nor been asked to, but I do stay outside when my dogs are out; because of their daughter.My sister in law caught her throwing big rocks in the direction of my truck, another day and the daughter ran and hid somewhere.My huband, noticed the neighbors daughter sprinkle some sort of spray onto our front lawn which created our front lawn to brown.Her little brother and the daughter practically destroyed our flower bed up front and this May 2007 I am only hoping that they bloom when they usually do.(so far, not yet have they bloomed)This morning, I happened to be home (suffering from sinus allergies) and figured to enjoy some sun out back in the yard, only to discover, some sort of movie tape wrapped and twined all over our 6 foot fence and there was a bunch of this tape bunched into a ball thrown into the middle of our back yard. All the evidence is still there, I just tossed the bunch onto their property, because I wanted to take my dogs outside, but still spectical, to do anything, about that yet, because their kids are in school and the parents are at work, during the day.I do not have a camera to take still shots of this to send your way, however, I did camcord this to show my hubby when he comes home and maybe to her parents, would that be wise?There was another occasion, when my husband, known for a fact that their daughter threw chicken bones and garbage into our back yard and my husband tossed their garabge back. Unfortunately thelocal police were called on my husband and no he should not have thrown the garbage over our fence, but this is becoming harder to deal with.Same instance with her most likely purposely having her ball get bounced into our yard and I have to stop what I am doing just to retrieve it for her, this happened about 4 times in one day.I did get a bit annoyed by that time.The father of these kids are cool with my husband, I very rarely see the mother and when we did, we saw the local police and the mother of course told the local authorities that her kids can do no wrong.I have yet to try to by neighborly, and wondering how to deal with this without any more problems.You would think, that a fence would solve everything, even that , I have the neighbors kids on camcorder from them climbing our fence and into our yard, I told them that I have them taped on video, if I see them again.I also told the kids that if the ball bounces into our yard one more time, it's my dogs ball.Yet, last night, I was on the phone with my sister in law and she told me to write a message on the ball before returning it to them....Might not be a bad idea, but I would have to watch what I write, for them to not call the local police on me for something stupid.I should write, where is my babysitting money for watching you kids?Maybe they will show this to their mother and she will hopefully start watching her kids and be more of a parent than she thinks just spitting them out was all that needed to be done. Not jealous, I am over the thought of the unfortunate motherhood of becoming a mother, I am more concerned about my husband and his friendship with their father and keeping it that way.Afterall, were neighbors and we do not intend to move; because their 13 year old daughter is holding a grudge, in her imagination or for some reason she has to act this way to us.Please enlighten me on what can I do to resolve this matter?Before the plot thickens and things get out of hand.I also want to say, that I refuse to put my dogs down if they happen to bite this girl, my dogs would only bite someone if they were asking for it.She is asking for it.
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at work, jealous, money, moved in, neighbour, sister in law, teasing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jmpirie  +, writes (20 June 2007):
 The answer to your question lies in your opening paragraph. It sounds like she is crying for attention. For whatever reason she does not feel as though she can get it from her parents. This is both sad and unfortunate.
Please consider that repeatedly pointing out her flaws and errors and her parents' failures will only succeed in making you feel better and them feel worse. It is natural to resist accepting this fact, but please try.
If her parents are not well off and you have the means, then consider the reaction you could get from giving her a smile and a gift certificate to a store that would sell clothing that she likes. If she likes black and dark clothing then find the humour in walking into one of these stores and picking up something for her. The part I like about a gift-certificate is that there is a possibility she may share her purchase, and a bit of herself, with you in the process. If you are struggling with ideas, describe her more and someone from this group may have suggestions. If you have family or friends with teenagers, I assure you they can help find something.
What she needs is someone to listen to her. Someone to say with an open heart, good-morning Lucy, how is your day. If she starts talking, just listen and cherish it as a gift. If she talks about things that are of no interest to you, then consider it an opportunity to learn something new. If she expresses interest in something of yours then share it. If she glares at you with eyes of disdain do not take it personally as it is not about you and try again without judgment. She is rebelling against everything and not you specifically.
You have a neighbour from hell and the opportunity to affect a life.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): I really can,t see an immediate solution. The girl is obviously playing head-games,and making your life a misery. But, by reacting to this "game" you have now played into her hands. I have the same problem with my nutter of a neighbour, and i feel pretty dam helpless...not even the police want to know unless an offence has taken place...i come home to 3-4 wheelie bins blocking my front door most nights. Some people want conflict to spice up their life. Hopefully she will move out from her parents house in time, be patient and try to ignore her. Wish someone can help me,i,ve just moved from noisy neighbours....to another neighbour from hell, wanting nothing but arguments and conflict..it really gets me down too. Best of luck for you!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): Well that's good to hear that your problems are solved and those of your neighbours. But what of the other neighbour who needs the help the most? The young woman.
Odd how some will focus only on themselves and think all is well, that they wash their hands of any responsibility when they see a youth in distress and unhappy.
Not your responsibility you say...well so much for community.
If her parents fail her, then who is responsible?
I feel for that young woman and my hopes are with her that she will find a friend to relate to and that someone nearby will befriend her. She is lonely, feels isolated, home life is in turmoil and those accoutable, responsible adults in her world are failing her.
My prayers are with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWanted to inform all who took an interest in responding and Thank you all for your input whether I had sounded dumbfounds for asking for your opinion or in distress with a bit of fear of losing my children aka my dogs.
We have spoke to her parents and their daughter was grounded without her privilages of being a teenage girl.
Ask around the neighborhood and they have had problems with their daughter also. So I wasn't the only one targeted.
We exchanged phone numbers with her parents and will remain to be on the look out for eachother in our neighborhood.
If we shall have any more problems with their daughter they will get a phone call.
So we settled the waves for now, Their daughter had been not doing well in her grades either and her parents sound like they have their hands full. That is none of my business.
So, I wanted to give you all a follow-up on the situation that had troubled me.
Thank You, again!
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A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (9 May 2007):
You're in one of those unenviable positions of being at war with a kid.
Your best bet is to document the trespassing and then involve the parents. Tell her parents that if they do not curb their children's behavior that you're going to take this to the neighborhood association, board, or council. Most suburbs have one.
Make sure that if you spend any money correcting anything or fixing anything done or broken by their children that you save the receipts and document the work done. If it adds up to a tidy sum, you may have to take the family next door to court to recover expenses. But hopefully that can be avoided.
Given time, their daughter will grow up. She may even become a friend, and she may even grow up to look up to you.
Perhaps you can co-opt her. Invite her over to help you garden and care for your dogs.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): How about adults at your age should have common sense.
Again, you are the adult here and you are blinded by your growing hate and resentment towards this unhappy youth.
If you know her parents aren't around and that this correlates with her ill behaviour...what is the issue?
I say maybe invite her over for an ice tea. Forgiveness and understanding and befriending her will make a world's difference.
Sure the wall of ice and will be up as to her, most adults don't care about anything or anyone save themselves, most adults are clueless about other's pain and suffering as it's too much work...her parents have taught her this and you know what? She's right, you are exactly what she believes.
So...invite her for an ice tea. Even if it's just sitting and drinking an ice tea and staring at the clouds.
This isn't about you doing anyone's job-this is about being a friend.
She'll come around. That's what she needs.
Can you forgive her and be this?
Attitude and perspective does make a difference.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): Listen. You have an issue and problem and you are personalizing this and with the last statement that if your dogs bite her, you wont' put them down and she deserves it. That's harsh.
My Dad is a big time animal lover and dogs are his weakness. He has taught me that an owner of a pet will always have the sole responsibility to ensure his pet's safety and the safety of others so sorry, you're last statment of bitterness won't stand,not even in court. So let's think with our brain and not our emotions.
You know her antagonizing them may lead to this outcome so really, you do have the responsibility here.
That the mother is not looking out for her kids is clear in that a healthy, loved young woman would not be so angry and spiteful. To her, you give consistant attention and her mother does not. No it's not a healthy way of thinking so again, you have the greater responsibility here.
I say talk to local authorities to see if a mediator can be assigned to adddress your concerns.
Why aren't the men taking care of this? If your husband has a relationship with the Dad...why aren't they using this relationship to "solve" this matter? It just doesn't make sense.
Obviously this young girl's parents are not emotionally available and her acting out is a cry for help. I feel for this confused, angry girl who is lacking parental supervision, parental guidance, parental love and nurturing.
Have you spoken to other neighbours? How about the ones on the other side of their fence? Are they going through the same thing?
What has your history as a neighbour been? You lived their 14 years so you have one versus their 2 years.
Begin documenting the times, incidents, and what was said by you and by them. Write it down.
Keep evidence, tapes and what not.
Contact authorities with evidence.
This is a form of psychological torment and in some areas in the states, can be recognized and addressed through the courts.
Get counselling as well as it really sounds like all these mind games are taking their toll on your mental and emotional health. You may also get some good and effective advice on how to address this neighbour from hell scenario.
Take Care.
*hugs*
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (8 May 2007):
 Right first, the dogs. I love animals especially ctas and dogs, but obviuosly dogs carry the risk of harming other people.
The first thing to do is maybe put up a sign warning the neighbours of the risks of the dogs (even thou they are probably harmless, this sign will act as proof that your neighbours were aware of the dangers). Maybe speak to the RSPCA or similiar foundations to ask what precautions you can take and measures you can enforce. With all the media hype at the moment with kids and animals I would do things in the most legal way possible.
The daughter is another matter. You say you have videoed her doing stuff on your property. You need to keep all this documented with time and dates and possible witnesses; maybe other neighbours have had the same problem? By giving a well documented account of the details the council have to enforce the parents to restrict their child. The way you want to go is get the council involved and they will get the police involved if and where possible.
Neighbours like these can walk the thin line and get away with making your life at YOUR home a pain and a nightmare. There are council officials now who are in charge of curbing this type of behaviour and have measures to introduce to the householders to stop such unfriendly behaviour.
This all depends on how far you are willing to take it really. But you need to do this properly and keep your tempers and temptations at a short leash if you want results. You can keep on arguing/reasoning with the parents and getting nowhere, or you can let them know how much of a pain all this is and go through the proper channels.
You need to be careful you are not the aggressor in this kind of situation, coz that is what the police will see if you write on balls and the like.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wanted to correct my wording in the 6th paragraph starting with Certaintly:
The parents were NOT around when she rebels!
And I did go back out to clean off my fence and threw the tape into their yard; so my dogs could go outside and play do their business and enjoy the weather.
Why should I allow their daughter to prevent my pets to enjoy our yard, without getting sick.
I have to make an attempt to walk my yard before letting my children outside.
It's a shame.
People at age 13 should have common sense!
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