A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my in-laws (to be) have a foreign exchange student visiting them who stayed with them some time ago. She has been at their place all week. They want to drive tomorrow (they are 2 hours out) and visit us and have supper with us at our house and tour where my husband works since she plans to go to school in this state and be in the same field as my fiance. They want to meet up with coffee some where. The local diner has closed, there is no place to have coffee. This is a small town. I am in the midst of getting ready for our vacation next week and told my fiancé that. He understood. My fiance persuaded them to meet at a restaurant an hour away instead of driving 2 hours to meet us. As it goes I didn't like that restaurant that his parents love only because of this waitress that is there that is best friends with his former ex-girlfriend that my fiancé was deeply in love with. It's obvious she reports back to his ex-girlfriend when we go there. The last time we went, she made sure she was the one that waited on and that we were seated in her section. I could tell by her body language that she was all excited. It was so uncomfortable for me. She was observing me closely this last time. It ruins the dining experience.The state I am in has small towns dotted everywhere so it's impossible not to run into ex-girlfriends or their friends. It's like a "constant reminder." I hate it. Anyway, my fiancé asked me what the problem is and I blurted out the waitress at that restaurant. I said I would put up with it as I always do. Then I thought, well we could just have brats on the grill which is quick and easy. So he called them back and they said no, they don't want him to grill. (My hands are in the air). Its so hard dealing with the future in-laws barely giving notice to drop in and this restaurant. I'm from a big city so any old ex-girlfriends don't resurface like they do in this state. They refuse to go to another restaurant too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): The OP here.
Thank you aunties for your answers.
I will do as you say.
As I type this I am getting ready to go to the restaurant.
Maybe I will make a big production out of our engagement.
Give the waitress something really to gossip about.
No use sitting there and taking it. AND/OR move to another section to a waitress that "I" prefer. ha ha
That should get her britches in a stitch!!
This state is so claustrophobic with all these exe's and their tightknit girlfriend circles that I run into all the time. It's God awful!
I'm so glad I'm not the only one experiencing this.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2015): If I was you I'd waltz into that restaurant waive your engagement ring around and make a point of loudly saying how excited you are about your forthcoming vacation. That should shut your fiance's ex's friend up.I know how you feel. I live in a tiny English village and have had to endure years of reports about my ex's and their current life. I find it really irritating. I think it's often true that the people reporting it get much more out of the gossip then you do, after all their feelings weren't involved. I don't want to be reminded about my ex's and their weddings, new wives and children etc - yawn yawn. You may well find that your fiance's ex has no interest in her best friend's reports and even if she does what can she do? He's engaged to you not her.I agree your in-laws are selfish in expecting you to drop everything for them. It's reasonable for them to give some notice considering you are packing for your vacation but it's done now. My grandmother was disappointed that my father didn't marry his first gf and instead went on to marry my mother. She admitted later how silly she was and how much more suited my mother is to him. They will have to come round in time. As janniepeg said it's not a competition, we all have baggage but it doesn't have to effect your current life.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 July 2015):
 I would handle the waitress like she is any other waitress. She can gossip all she wants. I bet many workers chat amongst themselves about customers too. It's the in laws that I question. They are people with small town minds who are disappointed that their son's relationship did not progress into a marriage. The routine is gone, and now there is this stranger, you. It's an ignorant thing to do, to challenge you, test you, and to keep taunting you with ex memories and what they used to have. They refuse to make adjustments in order to make you comfortable. They have a lot of pride and there is such this division between elder, and younger generation.
I am lucky enough to have in laws who are naturally friendly and do not require me to prove my worth to them. If you see a potential of a relationship with them I would try extending my friendliness to them. Make the visit about getting to know each other, and try to steer your mind away from that waitress and his ex. Otherwise they would be nobody to me. Remember this is a relationship between you and your future husband. Don't get dragged into a competition of who's more favourable. There's none unless you create it. You achieve the calm by not being bothered about your boyfriend's pasts. Everyone has them. Of course you have to trust that he is over his exes and would never try to reconnect with them.
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