A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my bf and I having been dating for two years now and I don't know if I should call it quits or not. In the beginning it was great, we had a lot in common, could be on the the phone for hours at a time and clicked very easily. I could share anything with him, and he seemed to completely understand me.We exchanged the I love you bit and all that and everything was fine and great.Sometime after the first anniversery things started changing. Say we're having a discussion and I have an opposing view, he'll say whatever I say is wrong, my opinion is stupid and that he is always right. On everything. Sometimes not even letting me tell him. He'll started screaming at me or if we're on the phone also hang up on me. School came along and he yelling for the month because I didn't take the same electives as him in classes I don't like with people I don't care for and said I was just being a jerk about because I should take the same classes as him so we can be together. All my free time is taken up by him now so that I can't hang out with my friends. I hadn't been outside of school with my friends for months so I decided I would go hang out with them one evening after school when he started arguing at the end of the day in the middle of the hall in front of everyone that I needed to hang out with him instead. I see him everyday almost and never can be with my friends because he always had an issue with it. Then at lunch even though he has his own group of friends he decided it's best to sit at my table and not eat and force me to put my attention on him rather than them. Everyday. All year. I f I even tried to enter a conversation them after lunch I would get a nasty comment about how I ignored him and get the cold shoulder. If I had one minute til class on the other side of the schools he gets mad because I don't stop to chat in the hall. Now more recently he gets mad because I hang out with my family instead of him. I went to see a movie with my grandma and he got mad. He comes down to my work and expects me to entertain him, he calls me 2-3 a night. I'm a loner and need space and we've talked about, he just gets mad. If I want a day to myself, it's wrong and I shouldn't feel this way. More recetnly He'll pick at me, lazy, you're hair looks bad, you're tank is ugly. Then he comments about how he doesn't like my family or he acts really rude towards him. When he's mad he'll close himself off from me but if I sit by him and try to comfort him he gets rough and will push me away or grab onto my arm really hard and leave a bruise unitentionally. He's not abusive though and I trust him completely. If I go somewhere he has no problem calling twelve times in a row and question why I've been ignoring him later on. But then he can be so sweet sometimes...He'll tell me about how I'm the greatest person in the world and that there is no one better than me then talk about how other girls flirt with him. We've had other issues but w/e. He gets his way for everything and he knows if he makes me feel guilty I give in. We argue all the time and I'm not happy with this and I don't like pretending I am. He's always been there when I've needed him and we're just so similar it's odd. We keep talking about how it's going to get better and we need to try harder when is it hard enough. I do believe I love him, I just don't know if I can let him go. I can't see my life without him. I'm afraid I've become too dependent on him emotionally to end it. It's been driving me crazy.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 July 2009):
 You have not given a single reason why you should stay with him, just end it now!
Loving someone is not enough to make a relationship work, and you clearly love him more than he loves you if he is willing to say such awful things to you! As soon as someone insults your family that should be it, we all have unconditional love for our families and for someone to be disrespectful about your family is just not acceptable. If he really loved you, then he would try his hardest to get on with your family and to make sure that they like him too.
Everything you have said in your post is a clear sign he is incredibly controlling and he has you wrapped around his little finger. He has no respect for you and treats you like a doormat. This is not love - this is control.
I understand that you cant see your life without him but that is because he has made you that way - all his controlling behaviour means that he wants you to think like this. He wants to get all your family and friends out of your life so that he can have you all to yourself and then you will never leave him because you will be too scared of being alone.
So you have a choice:
1. Continue in the relationship and lose all the people you care about, and end up lonely and scared with a man who does not love you or treat you right
2. Leave him! And find that you get your life back - see your friends, see your family, take control of your own life.
There will be plenty more guys out there who will treat you right - they will treat you with respect, they will want the best for you at all times, they will make an effort with your family and friends, and most importantly they will respect your wishes and listen to your opinions and needs.
I really do hope you leave this poor excuse of a man, he is treating you so badly and you are so young, you dont deserve this! Life should be about having fun right now, and having a boyfriend should just be an added bonus. This idiot is taking all the fun out of your life and replacing it with control, so that you fulfill his needs at all time.
Just remember that you have needs too; you are an equal in a relationship and you deserve to have your opinions heard and taken into consideration. What you are in right now is not a relationship; it is a master and slave situation.
You deserve so much more from a relationship, and I know leaving him will be scary but you can do this. You have your family and friends for emotional support - they will love you no matter what happens. I hope you have the strength to do the right thing, I hate to think that you will be stuck in this nightmare for any longer. Life is too short to spend it with a loser like him, get out there and find someone who deserves a great girl like you!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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