A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 3 months. We both started going to different universities this year, and I had to move and rent a house far from where he lives in order to study to that university.At first I felt really excited to be with my boyfriend, and I was very much attracted to him, but as time went by I started doubting my feelings. He's very nice and sweet to me, but at the same time he gets upset over almost anything, is constantly telling me about how bad he feels and always has one problem or another. I might sound like a bad person, but I eventually got tired of him complaining about all the bad things that keep happening to him, and for some reason my instict tells me that he's making some of it up just to get my attention. I know that might be a selfish thing to think, but my instinct is rarely wrong and that's what worries me.Since we're in a long distance relationship, I only get to see him after two weeks or a bit more, and as much as I would rather let him know about my doubts while I'm away I just can't. And whenever I go to see him, I suddenly forget all I was worried about and things seem to flow quite nicely. But whenever I return to my university, I start having these doubts again and wonder whether I should break up with him or not.Also, I've been noticing a guy that goes to my university. For some reason I find myself really attracted to him, and I can't help but have a weird feeling whenever I see him. That's why I've been avoiding all the classes he tends to attend. I feel horrible for this, and it makes things so confusing.I end up feeling miserable every once in a while and I just don't know what to do. I care about my boyfriend and things seem perfect when I'm with him, but while I'm away I'm filled with doubts and keep on questioning our relationship. And on top of that, there's this guy, and although I've never talked to him, something about him makes me feel all strange inside. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it.Also, whenever I try telling him that I'm having certain doubts about things, he suddenly tells me that he's feeling sick, that he gets fever, that he throws up or stuff like that. And I find it hard to believe. I really, honestly, don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Hello
Firstly its great hear that you trust you instincts as they are rarely wrong, if only people would listen to their instincts more! I think you already know what you want to do but I will share my thoughts.
No one ever says a long distance is easy and you have to be really committed at making it work for it to last. The doubts you are having suggest that your heart isnt really into this relationship. Do you see yourself spending your future with your current bf? If you find that a bit too much to bear than maybe let him down gently, you dont want to keep the relationship going-letting him build up his hopes for the future-because it'll be harder to break up the longer it goes on. If you break up after xmas, maybe give his gift back to him-you wouldnt want him thinking you waited to get your pressie before giving him the boot!
Your bf saying he feels sick etc... It sounds like his way of making you pity him and stop talking about your doubts. It could be his way of making you stay with him. Its not good to date out of pity! He should want to hear your doubts, most other guys would want to try and fix the things you think are wrong.
Why not see how it goes being single, you dont have to jump into a relationship with the guy you express feelings for, you could spend a bit of time enjoying your independence. Uni is hard enough without relationship worries bogging you down.
Take Care, Merry Christmas.
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