A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am suffering from a recent painful break up. After 4 years with a man, who is divorced with 2 children, we have ended our relationship because we decided that he cannot have more children (due to finances and instability) and I very much want to have a child. I am 37 year old and know the clock is ticking loudly. I have waited the past few years for him to get things together so I could see we could have a stable future (and then and only then we would even entertain the idea of bringing another child into the world). Ultimately, stability didn't happen. Things are better for him but not in the place where having a child would be smart. He is being very strong now and wants me to get out there and date or go back to my ex so I don't give up my chance for happiness with someone who can give me what I need. His strength is honorable but is breaking my heart too. I was also close with his 2 children (they split time with their mom and dad), but we are finding it is too painful to see each other right now in the wake of the split. I miss the kids and just want to run back to him and be a family and forget my dream of having my own child. Yet he feels (and I suppose I know deep down) that I would regret this. I feel foolish for waiting, guilty for our break up because of his own children and causing them any pain, sad and mad all at once. I will still try to see them through the Mom who I am friendly with but I know they will be sad for their Dad knowing we are not together anymore. I think about him alone the nights the kids are with their Mom and I physically ache thinking about his hurting over me. How did I let myself do this? The break was over a month ago and it is not getting any easier, in fact, it feels worse each day. Did we do the right thing? I keep thinking I gave up love for the hope of a child I don't know or know I can even have. This emotion then turns to pain and anger for him leading me on all these years telling me he did want to expand a family -- I guess it was always more for me than for any need or desire he had. And in the end, he realized he had to fix his life and take care of his own and that did not include taking care of someone who wanted to have a child. I guess the reality of his situation has caused him to do the right thing and let me go. It just hurts more than I am even willing to write about. Any thoughts or words of wisdom to help me move forward would be appreciated more than you know. Thank you.
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