A
female
age
41-50,
*enny007
writes:I have been with a guy for several months now. We are both married. We were friends first so our discussion we had at the beginning was of course friends with benefits. Neither of us can afford to leave our spouses since we both have kids. So my question is.We have always cuddled after sex, He now is ok with some of our shorter meetings together being just cuddling and I am also ok with that. When we cuddle he always rubs my arms,legs and back, plays with my hair and kisses me on my forehead and gives squeeze hugs, I find my self doing the same. And when we go to leave each other the hug we give is as if we don't want to leave. So this morning it left me wondering do we feel more for each other then we anticipated? I know I love him in my own special way and because he is a special friend. I have no intentions of stopping and I know he doesn't so please if you are going to respond with a lecture that is not going to help so please don't. I am just hoping to get some people's opinion on the situation and maybe others have been in the same. I am just wondering if it sounds like he and I are falling for each other more then we thought or if this is normal for affairs. This is the only one I have ever had and only one I plan on having. I hope someone has some advice. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): i guess i could say been there done that! Shit hit the fan, it's been about 2 years ago now and i still feel for him as i did then - all of tears and heartache since then - for him i'm not sure i haven't spoken to him for quite some time. I still see him at least once a week as our kids play sports together. We are still with our spouses. If i had another chance with him i probably would go back into the affair even with knowing how many people i would hurt. Sure call me selfish i know.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Nenny007, you looking for us to condone what you are doing?? You want your LOVER AND YOUR HUSBAND. You do not want to leave either of them. You continue to have sex with both of them. Do you know what a dangerous game you are playing. Your decent husband, oh what a fool you are.
Feelings for your lover, now what? Do you think by saying that you are not falling in love, that makes this illicit affair right? You are trying to romanticize about this affair but affairs are just affairs. Just “fu88ing”, nothing more , therefore it has the excitement, the thrill. There is no hard work in an affair. That is what marriages are for. Hard work and trying to salvage the marriage, ups and downs……..til the end. And an affair, just up and up until you get caught….and yes you will. Ask anyone who has gotten caught. Was their affair worth it? Most would say NO.
Nenny007, get that romantic notion out of your head. This is a receipt for disaster. Like so many people having affairs, the cheater is also selfish-.wanting the lover and the spouse and you are no better. Let your husband experience the thrill of an affair, have an open marriage for goodness sake if you cannot divorce him. He deserves some respect and love, this is essentially what you are not giving your husband. Why shouldn’t your husband also f88k another?
Why worry about your husband and kids- people in illicit relationships try to rationalize and justify their behaviour, as though they are protecting the “innocent” ones. In fact the only ones they are protecting is themselves. You want your lover, then fine, just ditch the marriage, you have done so for the past few months while you were screwing around. And please do not say that you do not want another lover, “This is the only one I have ever had and only one I plan on having.” You have the taste of an affair, what is going to stop you when this one ends? You are already half way in love with your idea of loving this other man. Where will it all end? Tears. Heartache. Pain. Betrayal. Divorce. What about that man’s wife and family. You are now in fairyland, living a fairtale. Guess what…..it’s called fairytales for a reason….it doesn’t exist!
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A
female
reader, nenny007 +, writes (20 March 2009):
nenny007 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responce. Justsomeguy. Uncle Phil was very help full that is the type of advice I am looking for. I am just trying to figure out and understand my feelings and my thoughts. I knew this would not be a normal situation going into it. Sinc I am never telling anyone I know I came to the web site. I know nothing will every be black and white with what I am doing but advice is good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): Well thank you all for answering me. Justsomeguy. The first answer was I think what I was inquiring about. I am just trying to figure my feelings out a little. I knew it would not be an easy thing going into it so I am prepared I just needed some advice and since I am never telling anyone I know what I am doing I came to the web site.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): What difference would it make if you do feel more for each other than you anticipated? Why try to analyse what's going on in your heads? You're both enjoying what you're doing so why not just enjoy it while it lasts?
Of course, if your husband or his wife find out what's going on, the decision about whether you stay married to your respective spouses may be taken out of your hands, but that's obviously a risk you're both willing to take.
I'm not judging you because I've been in the same situation as you a couple of times. Expect all hell to break loose at any time - it did with me, but the person(s) I was having the affair(s) with were people that I could and did spend a number of years with after my marriages broke up. I'm still with the last one and as happy as a person could ever be.
Just ask yourself if the shit should hit the fan, where would you be? Could you start afresh with this man? Could you live with him full-time rather than just being each other's 'bit on the side'? Would he be willing to live with you? If his wife forgave him, where would that leave you if your husband divorced you? You really do need to look at the bigger picture in all this.
I know it's great fun, but there could be heartache ahead. Be prepared for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): Doesn't sound like he's falling for you, it's obvious you're falling for him. He probably cuddles and does all that stuff to him BELOVED wife too.
You're cheating on your husband, and he's cheating on his wife, please don't try and make it special.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): Based on what you said, it's just a sexual thing. Women tend to read way more into sex than there really is for men. Men like variety and he probably loves his wife and gets his extra fantasy on the side. Not much more to it than that.
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