A
female
age
30-35,
*isharger
writes:I recently had a foursome with a woman and two men that I am not in a relationship with. However, I am in a relationship with another man whom I love very dearly. I am 20, and have always been happiest in relationships, as I've only been single twice in an overall span of 8 months since I was 14. I think it is a big part of why I did what I've done.In more detail, I was very drunk, and down on a few things at the time. Of course, being drunk is never a valid excuse, but I do know that I had lost all regular values and inhibitions. This is something I would never dream or even think of doing sober. Before I had gone out that night, I had been notified from my landlords that I would be kicked out because they need the space for their daughter to move in. I work 6 hours a week, 12 hours a day at my new job, finding a new place and moving felt overwhelming. The week leading up to this I was also feeling a bit taken for granted. He would often spend time with me only when his friends weren't available, it had felt like. I was always available to him when his friends weren't, he obviously was aware of that, and it started to feel like he was taking advantage of it, and it hurt. This being said, I'm not trying to make excuses, or say he was in the wrong. He is an amazing person and I've never felt like he has ever tried to hurt me knowingly. Carrying on, that night I went out to a bar with some friends. I drank a lot, had a lot of fun, and invited all my friends back to my place for drinks afterwards. At the end of the night, I don't remember much that happened at my place, though by the end of it just myself, a good female friend of mine, her boyfriend, and a guy I don't really know were left. We all ended up hooking up. This is completely out of chracter for me, and I feel extremely remorseful.I've told my boyfriend about it, and he's forgiven me. We've both had time to think and talk about it, and I'm being patient and allowing him to move through it at his own pace. I've personally been cheated on in the past, and am having a very difficult time moving on and forgiving myself for this. I know I love him, there's no question about that. I've sat for days questioning myself on this as one of the first things he asked of me when he found out was to really consider whether I love him or not. I do love him. I've had time to go over it in my mind, and I think part of the reason I've done this, a large part, has nothing to do with how I feel about him, but how I feel about myself, and my life. As I said, since I was 14, I've only ever been in relationships, for the most part. I love my current boyfriend more than I really thought was possible, and I think I was scared. Neither of us really believe in marriage, though we've expressed to each other numerous times that we want to be with each other in the future. He once told me that he was frightened by how much he loved me. At the time I had thought, "Haha oh whatever, how can love scare you?" I unfortunately had to find this out for myself in the worst possible way. I had been feeling scared for quite some time now about how serious this relationship is, I just wasn't able to really pinpoint it. It would be easy for me to say, well if I'm scared then I shouldn't be here. That's not the case. We're both scared, but clearly we both have enough love for each other to move on together. After doing what I did, I became very aware that there is no one else that I want except him. The only problem I'm having is figuring out how to forgive myself for what I've done, and how I've hurt him.He's forgiven me. I can't forgive myself. Our relationship I'm sure cannot ever really get fully back on track unless I can do this. My question here is: What can I do to forgive me?
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female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 To be perfectly honest I'm wholly under qualified to offer advice on Gay male relationships, but since this is about you and not that, specifically, here ya go: I believe the key to any forgiveness id UNDERSTANDING. Why did you do what you did? Looks like you know that already. What motivated and compelled you? Ditto. You've owned up to it to your significant and you've owned up to yourself as well. Like the awful spoken word, once manifested you can never take it back. Think on this. Evaluate your convictions for future behavior.
Do this and go your way and sin, no more.
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (4 May 2010):
 All you can do is give yourself time, and be very cautions on your behavior because he forgave you this time but who knows if there would be another. When you drink you have to be careful because even though I think we know what were doing when drunk, I truly believe we do things we wouldn't do sober, I guess we think we are super heroes when we are drunk.
Next time when you feel there is problems and you are feeling lonely talk to your boyfriend let him know how you feel. Communication is the key. As for your conscious just give yourself time.
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A
female
reader, RSLMJ4E +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Hun, it's ok to feel bad. you made a mistake, but it's human nature. i'm not sure what to tell you about forgiving yourself, but all i can say is just look at what you have with your boyfriend. he forgave you, so now you can do the same. think about your man, that should help.
and don't be scared of your feelings for him. being scared just means that you found the guy you wanted. the relationship will last a long time. and don't worry, your relationship will recover. it may take a little while, but if you two really do love each ither that much, you will get past this.
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