A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone,im currently going through a very bad time and i feel really isolated, i will start from the begining,me and my best friend had a huge arguement in march although we talk we are no longer close. my other best friend is moving away in september to the other end of the country and another friend now works full time and has alot of stress of her own so i find it hard to talk or spend alot of time with her. I had a circle of friends and a boyfriend who were no good, into drugs and violence but me and my boyfriend split up 9months ago and all theese friends fell through and supported him, this breakup seems to be the start of my increasing lonelyness. this also dragged me away from people in college who just didnt seem to understand me.recently another close friend i had who moved country has been amitted to a mental institute which i am finding hard to deal with. i am an only child so i have no support from brothers or sisters and my cousin who i was close to moved away, another good friend and myself have drifted away slowly over the years and she now has her own busy life. i had a few good friends in work but they no longer speak to me as i stupidly slept with another colluge who has a girlfriend who is there close friend, i feel very quilty about this i do like him, but i think its more of i dont want to be alone and he offered an ear and a hug if you like. i have tried to maintain friendship and talk to other people in work but they only endup using what i tell them as gossip i am starting to 'dig up' people from my past on facebook just to talk to people.i dont really want to admit but i started to write myself a sucicide note a few weeks ago, i got halfway through and felt to sick so i stopped.this sounds all so sad and pathetic, i cant believe this is my my life which used to be filled with friends and love.ive just finnished my a-levels and i know i havent passed any but i have an unconditional uni offer for september and i dont want to go like i am now.im not really looking for answers just some advicethanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2008): Sounds like you've had so many awful dissappointments in a short space of time :-( I can tell you I've suffered some of those things in my life too, but for me it was over a period of 10 years!! I'm not surprised you feel the way you do!! Its absolutely not pathetic, but a natural response to being separated from lots of people at once!
As for your job, have you thought of quitting and starting a new one?? I went through a very similar situation in one of my jobs when someone's boyfriend kissed me at a drunken party, and suddenly everyone who i thought was my friend sudenly hated me, then going to work was so upsetting as everyone would ignore me. I was so relieved when I quit the job (cos i couldn't cope with it any more), even though i was scared to, i left it all behind. They sound like small-minded petty bitchy people and you are better off away from them.
Its really good that you got away from the violence and drugs as well (whether it was oyur choice or not), that gets you nowhere in life and does no-one any good. good for you!! :-)
And don't be put off Going to Uni - might be the best thing you ever do!! This is the best opportunity to find new friends and new love in your life, friends that you might keep for many years. I too drifted apart from school and college friends, and the Uni friends I made I had such good times with them. Most people starting Uni are in the same boat, they've moved away from old friends and are keen to make new ones. And learning new things will inspire you.
Also, in Unis there are counsellors for students you can speak to for free which is really helpful, as on the NHS it is difficult to get one with the big waiting lists anall, so if you find things difficult at first they're there to help.
You are so young and you have your whole life ahead of you, your adult life is only just beginning with many good things ahead and amazing opportunities you won't have even dreamed of yet (and maybe some you have dreamed of!) i know its hard to see or believe things will get better, but believe me, they will!!!! you will probably look back on all this and think - thank **** i'm not there with that **** going on any more!!!!!!!!! you'll have friends and love again, just better ones then before! :-)
And the close people in your life that moved away - they are still your good friends!! PLEASE call them and tell them you are having a bad time, especially when you're feeling really upset. just someone on the end of a phone who cares about you can do wonders to help you feel better, will make you feel close again. You need to talk to SOMEONE you know - especially if you're feeling suicidal, they would be livid you haven't phoned them if they knew what you were feeling!! dont think they won't help you, if you moved away and your friend was having a bad time you would want to listen and help!
Hang in there through this difficult time and go for it with going to Uni, it will change your life for the better! its good that you wrote on here for advice and I really hope it helps you. xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Try and join clubs , or attend art or dance class or something, and try and engage in happy conversation with your fellow dancers/ artists. Slowly you may develop a new group of friends to rely on. I am really sorry to hear about your friend in the mental institute, i really don't know what to say about that, except maybe talking to her family would help. Also try and think more deeply
before you cut someone out of your life,as you may regret it later, pause for thought. But right now you should be doing less thinking and start new hobbies, and try new things (not drugs obviously).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjust thought i'd add that i find it really hard to forgive people in friendships if i feel they have done wrong to me and i tend to cut them out of my life very easily.
but i am the opposite in sexual relationships..i am forever willing to change things and work on it.
i also feel that im very closed and tend to lie and hide things from people....
im just rambling now so ill stop
thanks again
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