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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship for almost 4 yrs and everything seems to not be working anymore. I dont have any friends and he is my only one, I sometimes feel that if he leaves me I will be alone for the rest of my life. The thing is that no matter what I ask him to do he tells me he'll do it then not do it. Its like he does it to get me off of his back. We break up like every other day because he tells me he's sick of it but Im the one going to school(college), working, and doing all of the cleaning and going that has to be done. He doesnt seem to want to help me in anyway, its like he wants to hurt me more then help me. I am depressed and dont know what to do with the situation, I feel that Ive tried everything and I just want to know if there is anyway that I can get him to help me out? I dont want to have to flush 4 yrs down the drain because of this.
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female
reader, AuntyYasmin +, writes (5 February 2006):
I agree with everything Dazzerg has said! I doubt your boyfriend has stopped loving you, i think he still does but he has just started to feel to comfortable and take you for granted after so long.
When i read your post I could relate 100%!! I have been feeling like that when starting university in September and we live together at uni and have been together for 3years. I felt exactly like you did!
It got too much in the end, he wouldn't help with anything in our flat, i was always cooking and cleaning and taking the garbage out etc. he was always out with his friends, he got moody if i was with mine etc. He said we spend time together in the flat even though I wanted to do something like go to the cinema etc. So I finally said I wanted to break up. I told him I loved him still and it was the hardest thing to do but I was so unhappy and that he didn't appreciate me or help me with anything, and that he was being very selfish and that it was me who had to keep the relationship going every single time. I said I felt so lonely and I would have loved to be with him forever, but I couldn't live like this anymore and it was unfair.
This showed him what he was taking for granted and spent ages begging for me back and promising to change. I finally said if nothing changes this time, when i got back with him, then we would have to break up forever! I know it sounds harsh, but it was the only way he would realise.
He admitted he loved me and that he was in the relationship because he loved me and wouldn't be if otherwise.
Also he admitted he has been selfish and just got too comfortable after 3 years and he takes me for granted etc.
Try talking to him and being honest, try not to criticise too much and if that doesn't work then tell him you are not happy and you need to break up with him. Tell him you still love him and would have loved to spend the rest of your life with him, but you don't feel special or helped or appreciated anymore and you feel so lonely.
And with work and college........take every single oppurtunity to talk to people and go out and do things with them! I started to do this with old and new friends and I am finally getting my life back on track, my experience only happened a couple of months ago, and it does take time. But seriously, take every oppurtunity to go out with friends, because then you meet more and more people with them!
I know how you feel, and its miserable. But only you can change it! Be confident! Good luck and I hope I have helped!
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (2 February 2006):
 There seems to be alot going on here. First things first, you need to focus on you which is something that your partner seems very adept at doing with himself. On the plus side, you seem to have plenty of avenues which you can go down and meet new people on. Work and college should give you plenty of scope to meet new people. Strike up some conversations, if there is an opportunity to go out then take it.
Stop putting him and the relationship at the centre of your universe. You should be there at the centre and you need to be because, and i am sorry if this is harsh, it doesn't look as if your partner will put you at the centre of his.
What is he 'sick of'? If you want to save the relationship then you both need to sit down and start working through the issues that your relationship has. Hopefully during the course of this conversation it will become apparent to him that he needs to be more supportive. Compormises through negoiation on both sides will hopefully make the relationship more solid.
However, if he isnt willing to do any of that then you have to be preapred to walk. It seems to me that he knows you feel powerless and isolated and is taking advantage of that in a fully disgusting way. Take care and good luck.
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