A
female
age
41-50,
*elena547
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. We had our honeymoon stage and roughly around 5 months things started to get a bit confusing, for one reason or another I started asking him all sorts of questions that I was not even questioning myself but for some reason they just came out of my mouth, they were questions like, " do you still love me", :" do you still want to be with me ect", the list goes on, and it would be almost everyday id ask him. Eventually he got annoyed which I understand anyone would including me. I came to realize after seeing a physiologist that it had allot to do with my past, in my past question on this site, I had a friend of 10 years rap me, in turn its caused me to have a bit of insecurity that I cannot control but I am seeking help for. My boyfriend is fully aware of all of this. Now the questions have stopped I don’t ask anymore, but his attitude has changed, he use to assure me that he loves me and would ask on a regular basis that he would like to see me, he would say wonderful. Except now he’s become cold, when I use to joke about certain things he would laugh, and joke back, now he responds with " ok" or takes me seriously, he doesn’t assure me anymore I have to ask him what’s on his mind for him to tell me, whereas before he would JUST SAY IT, he had more life to him than he does now. He recently started working and he developed this "GRUMPY" mood. I wouldn’t even say much to him and he would freak out and refer to me as being a cry baby or that im whining, and start swearing not to be but in general. He doesn’t show me that he has any want to see me as much as he use to, and when I ask him why all these things have changed he gives me SERVERAL different excuses which confuses me greatly. He use to be the straight forward and would say it how it is, now I feel he beats around the bush and doesn’t make any sense sometimes, he’s also getting on my back about not having a license, and constantly assumes im delaying it, when in no means is that the case. I just can’t afford it right now as I was injured at my work and im on workers compensation so I have to take care of myself. But he’s on my case as though he’s my father.So in addition to all of this its causing me to feel that he no longer loves me, and that somehow down the line my questioning to him has shut his feelings down. If there is anyone out there that can give me some advice as to what may be going through his head or how I can boost his personality back to seeing that im still the same girl he met to begin with. Id appreciate it, or how I can see if he truly still loves me, im torn apart right now cus I feel like im pulling teeth out from a crocodile when a relationship SHOULD BE EASY AND IT SHOULD FLOW. Not to mention if he didn’t love me im sure he wouldn’t be here, but a relationship should not be this hard, he’s a great guy and he does treat me good, except for him shutting out his feelings im really stuck please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Xtina356  +, writes (24 April 2010):
If you want his approval, approve of yourself first.
Since you are on Workers Comp right now, you depend on him a lot. It's putting a lot of added pressure on him. You may not see this, but his desire for you to get your own license shows that he wants you to be more self sufficient.
He may have stopped laughing at the jokes that he used to laugh at because he's heard them before. That's all. You really don't need to read further into it.
A mature relationship doesn't just flow easily. They take work, patience, and understanding. If you want to develop a mature relationship, think about what he likes and doesn't like. You don't have to agree with it. Just keep an open mind and be considerate.
Don't let your own insecurity tear this relationship apart. Be strong and do whatever you can with your disability so that you are not a burden to him. Imagine what you'd do if he wasn't in the picture and do it. If you feel good about you, he'll feel good about you.
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