| A
age
51-59,
*
writes: I have met someone and seen him a few times. I knew it was his birthday coming up weeks ago. I have asked him if he wants to come over the day before his birthday which he has said he would love to do. I mentioned my daughter working at a race course for an event and he said his friends were coming to see him from London for his birthday wanted to go to it. I am a bit narked that he hasn't asked me if I want to go out to celebrate his birthday since he has clearly made plans. He is very complimentary towards me and seems to be genuine but he hasn't asked me to go out and so far meeting up has been coming over to mine watching movies, talking and wine.at the moment he is between jobs and has said he hasn't got a lot of money.have I any right to feel narked?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice everyone, all points taken on board,I've wished him a happy birthday and seeing him on Sunday :)
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (2 June 2017):
 I don't think so.
If he has booked to go to the races, I'm assuming it will be with guy friends only. Non of my friends invite their GF along to 'Guy only meet ups'. It's just a chance to socialize with his friends for his birthday, can't you arrange to spend some alone time with him? I think you'd enjoy that more.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 June 2017):
 To be blunt, I don't think you have a "right" to be upset over this.
However, you FEEL what you feel, right or wrong.
His mates arranged a night out to celebrate him, these are people he has a LONG friendship with and will continue to have in his life. YOU... are still not a "permanent fixture" in his life. To quote you:
"I have met someone and seen him a few times."
A FEW times. So you two are still in the get to know one another phase, the figure out if he/she is GOOD for me or not.
He doesn't OWE you a part of his birthday party celebration. It's still a NEW relationship.
Do you want an INSTANT relationship where you are glued at the hips? Because THAT is not realistic. HE should HAVE a social life of his own and YOU should have the same - at some point in time if this relationship is working out after 6-12 months you might even SHARE parts of your circles with each other. NOT limit each other.
RELAX. Tell him to enjoy himself. Make the day or weekend AFTER a special night to celebrate.
Maybe he didn't invite you because it's "the guys" coming down/up to see him and things with you are still so new he doesn't want to put you on the spot nor himself.
How much younger than you is he? (if he is younger - I'm just guessing by his actions of keeping dates very much at home instead of going out that he is younger than you).
Honestly, accept that he HAD a life before you and still HAS a life when he isn't seeing you. Over time you might be more of a part of his, and him of yours. For now though... Chill.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2017): I am confused. How did aunty BimBim and fatherly advice assumed that they have slept together. Nothing in the post to indicate that. TBH I think you have the right to feel disappointed because he could have at least had the courtesy to ask you to accompany him to his friends party. If I were you I wouldnt build too much hope on this guy. He seems to be interested only in a casual friendship.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (1 June 2017):
 I didn't get the bit about sleeping together as Auntie BimBim indicated. If you have only met a couple of times and are NOT in a sexual relationship then I don't think you should feel at all 'narked'.
His mates are coming up and he is going out with them. It seems a bit early to be jealous. The arrangement could have been made months ago.
Where does he live? Perhaps you should visit him to ring the changes.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 June 2017):
 Your feelings are your own and you are entitled, and responsible for them. Your complaint is common enough. You have a lazy dater on your hands. He doesn't spend so much time with his friends that you are neglected. But you get chosen second and he takes you for granted.
One thing I would like to comment is that it is his birthday and it shouldn't be his responsibility to plan a fun time for you. If it was your Birthday then this would be on him.
So you can be miffed that his friends didn't think to invite you, but you should probably give the lazy BF a break on this one. Next time be proactive and invite his friends to the event you plan.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 June 2017):
 Hi Elsbeth,
I read your previous question,
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-daughter-feels-i-am-being-inconsiderate-having.html
It seems that you and the new fellow have done more than simply seen each other a few times. Based on the fact you are sleeping together I think its time you and he had a serious discussion about your relationship ... the first question would be does he see you as a girlfriend or simply as a woman he sleeps with.
If you are a girlfriend then why are you not being invited to meet his friends.
He certainly seems to have hit the jackpot, you are providing him with a nice place to visit for wine (purchased by who?), cheese, movies and after that some nice sex in a comfortable bed ....
I know it can be tough when a partner is unemployed, ut if you are not going out together just what is in this relationship for you?
Dates don't have to cost a lot of money, low cost dates include strolling around markets or similar, followed by a coffee, visiting local museums or other touristy attractions, fish and chips on the foreshore, (or in the park), free activities put on by your local council.
Your relationship as described in your two submissions seem to be very unbalanced, and he is getting the most benefit.
Think carefully on whether this is the relationship for you or if you should jump back in the dating pond. Now that you have found what you DONT want in a partner you will have a better idea of the attributes and characteristics that will suit you better.
...............................
|
