A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been mad for my guy friend for years. Since we were kids. We never dated while we were at school. We saw each other through our other loves and losses, moved in different directions, and lost touch. Neither of us married. A few years ago, he found me on a social networking site. We chatted. We phoned. We kept it friendly. He was in a relationship. I was playing the field. To shorten the tale, he was in the area last year, and I saw him. I realized I can't move on with another partner til I know where we stand. I've been waiting to find out. He has been single for a year now. He says he loves me too. And that we'll be together someday. What does that mean? I don't know what to make of it. And I don't know whether to date or not. He's not here, and he has no plans to be with me in the foreseeable future. I don't want to relocate now, but in the next several years, I wouldn't mind doing so. I feel I'm stuck in stasis. Have I permitted him to keep me on a string? I almost accepted dates a couple of times recently with others, but was glad when they fell through. My heart isn't in seeing other men, but I feel lonely and I miss going out to have fun. All my local friends are doing the marriage and family thing, and I sometimes feel left behind. I know that's no excuse for dragging some poor fellow into a date with a woman who's in love with another man. How can I find out what I'm waiting on, without seeming pushy, needy, or otherwise irritating? Oh, and this isn't about needing sex at all. I've had plenty of that in my lifetime. This is about what I honestly believe is true love. Which is why I'm reluctant to see other men. I'm quite confused as to why he declared his love, yet made no attempt to take things further. It's a perplexing situation.
View related questions:
move on, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): I posted this question, and here's a followup. We talked. He sees us ending up together eventually, but neither of us knows what the next step is, or when / how to take it. We're both busy with work, and transitioning either of us right now to a new place would be tricky. Neither of us is ready to risk what we've worked to achieve in this economy. Not quite yet. So, I guess we're very loving friends, who will re-evaluate our situation later. Thanks for your input. It really helped me focus on what we needed to get resolved in that conversation. We left it at this- if anyone asks either of us, we're free for coffee.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): He's not keeping you on a string, your feelings are. He's not stopping you dating, he hasn't emotionally blackmailed you or anything like that.
It actually sounds like a matter of practicality at the moment OP, it really doesn't sound like anything else. You sound like you're in different places in your lives geographically and emotionally.
He says he loves you but that you will be together someday that kind of sounds to me like he's not ready emotionally. He could be single for a year because he's still hung up on his ex, or he could still be feeling the pain of that break up.
OP you're old enough and wise enough now not to wait around for the man to make the move aren't you? You're smart enough to know that's not the only way things are done and that it's pointless waiting around wondering what he's thinking when all you have to do is ask him. I know it's traditional for the woman to sit back and let the guy do all the chasing but sometimes the guy doesn't and you sit there waiting while nothing happens. So just talk to him.
One other thing, it sound like he lives a long distance away from you, perhaps he's wise enough to know that LDR's are not a good idea and it's pretty much impossible to start and maintain a relationship that way.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hashi  +, writes (23 March 2011):
From the little that I know, I can say that when a man wants to be with a woman he will and nothing and no one can stop him from that. I would imagine that he would realise that you are a wonderful person and if he can see that then surely other men can see it so instead of dragging his feet he would make all the necessary moves/plans whatever you wanna call it to make sure you are his and his alone before someone else gets to you. If after all these years he hasn't made a move or done anything more than blow hot air, I'm afraid that yes he is stringing you along and you are wasting your time. The best thing (as hard as it is to do) is to disengage from him and try move on with your life. You would want a man who would see you and jump at the chance to be with you rather than a man who seems to be weighing his options and MIGHT come to you one day because there is no one else out there. Don't let yourself be plan B when you are first choice top quality material. All the best honey!
...............................
|
