A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:did i miss the sign. am look back an seeing what i did wrong with girls. my friends tell me i alway miss the sign, most of the girls i met have said they been in bad relationship, so i try to be a good guy, but it seen that was an bad thing. tell did i miss it. one girl stay with me, for a few months. there was the shower thing, where she was taken a shower and i enter the bath to use it, she was going to meet a friends, and i joke and said i could move the sheet and see u in the shower, she kept saying no, i didn't and left, later we again joking a about it, but nothing happen, it see we her we alway joke about doing something but she would always no, or she can't, at one time she said she could stop me, if i wanted to. the first time we met i joke with her about a shirt, we was kids, and i didn't stop, we kiss and i tease her, after words she at like i try to attack her, i felt bad but she kept kissing me. later we talk a little about the past and she said i was an good guy, and not aggivest euongh, and we didn't have sex, it bad to date an good guy. since then it been the same. one girl i dated, didn't go well. we broke up, she was getting marry to someone else so we became friends, one time she came by my place, and found an old dirty book, that i forgot to throw away, she found it and started to read it ahe even pose like the girls, nake it all. i was shock, but again didn't do anything, she was getting marry, if i did anything what would that make me, so she left and i went to work, my freind told me i was a fool. this happen to me a lot, this last girl told me the same as the first. but when i met her she was marry to my friends, but she alway flirt with me, she would bent over in front of me, showing her u know, or we hit each other with water guns and just joke around, they had broke up, and we be came friend, so we talk and she wanted start dating, i thought about us, at first she act like she wanted to, but then change her minds she told me i was to nice, and wasn't aggeavest enouh, but she was marry. what am i doing wroug. is it really me, do i still have guitly about what happen with the first girl, or my family, who r still in my life, my dad cheat on my mom and with every girl he been with, and i don't want to be like that. all my sister all they ever dated was assholes. i didn't want to be like that, have i took it to far? what do i do to change?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto abella, thank u for your resond, i will look into that, but if i made said a couble a things. first the shower joke, i think you miss understood, ok, i didn't just enter the bathroom, like a prev. she was at my place, and i wasn't going to go in there, i even said no. but she told me it was no big deal. the joke part was me said i could see her in there, it wasn't being mean. we laugh at it, and i alway take my time we women, that one of my problem. with that girl i have known her since highschool, and took my time, but that turn out bad because she said that what made us just friends because i didn't do anything, that with almost all the girl i met. i took my time with them and did try to have sex with them or kiss or rush into thing but that seen to be a bad thing. and being to nice yes, but would u want someone who treat you like an jerk is and that a good things?
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 October 2011):
 I searched and searched for an article written to assist a man who has continually lost out in a series of relationships. And I failed. So as a compromise I am posting an aticle written by one of the Stars on the DearCupid Site - but the article I am posting is to assist a female in the same situation as you have experienced. Continually losing out and missing the signs.So I know it is not a perfect response for you. I agree and apologise for that. But I am hoping this article will give you some ideas of what is important to women. And the support a woman needs hen when dumped. Because there may be paralels in your experience of relationships ending. So I do hope this helps. Maybe you can write the definitive equivalent article on how it feels for you?www.dearcupid.org/question/a-survival-guide-for-the-serial-dumpee.htmlThere are some great articles in the DearCupid Site and the way I access them is to look at posters whose answers I respect and then search their column for articles they have written. Another Star on this site is AnonymousMale1 who also has some outstanding articles.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 October 2011):
You sound like a nice guy who is TOO NICE and is getting over-looked by girls who are really not into you.
You may be looking at the wrong girls in the first place.
You certainly do sound deserving of a nice relationship in the future.
Do you keep seeing the same girl (different girls but same circumstances) each time and keep making the same mistakes each time?
I think it is time to start again.
Clear the slate. Clear all your preconceived ideas on what works and what does not.
But first revamp you. You may be in a rut yourself. And not keeping your eyes open to so many signs that the girls are giving you but you are not noticing.
So get yourself along to the hairdresser. See if there is a better cut you can get for your hair.
Ask a guy who you know has a successful happy relationship with his wife. And is a guy who dresses well, by the standards of most people. Ask if he and his wife would consider coming with you to choose a couple of good casual outfits and maybe a better sports jacket to 'lift' a pair of jeans for an evening out.
Then talk to a couple of nice guys (not players) who seem to be in happy relationships and ask them to tell you some key strategies to meet women and identify women who are most likely to be a "keeper"
Perhaps avoid a girl who is too troubled. I think you have done your time trying to interest girls who already have a lot of "baggage"
Always avoid girls who demonstrate any of the following:
girls who are demanding and cruel
girls with extensive financial problems
girls who are not yet "over" their ex
girls who drink alcohol excessively and are regularly drunk
girls who do illicit drugs
girls who are not respectful of privacy. Even when IN a relationship there are some "no go" places - most people appreciate a little privacy in the bathroom for instance.
girls who speak disrespectfully about other people
girls who gossip maliciously about others.
girls who have a track record of being serial cheaters and could not stay faithful even if their life depended on it.
It really does not matter if this lessens the number of girls you can consider.
No one said you need to be satisfied with the left over.
You are just as deserving of a nice girl as anyone else.
It goes without saying that all of those attributes should not be ones any guy displays either, as all are bad news in a relationship. There are boundaries that need to be respected in all relationships, whether the relationship is 3 weeks old or 3 years old.
What can you bring to a relationship? Think about your best qualities. List them all on a piece of paper. Don't be shy. You need to know your worth.
What areas do you need to work on?
For instance could you be fitter? Do you need to visit the Gym regularly? Eat more healthy food? Walk more?
Are you good at conversing with a wide range of people? Read regularly. Keep yourself well informed. And practice Listening skills. And Empathy skills. if it helps join a debating society or a Public speaking group, as both will help develop your presentation skills and make you more attractive to others in a social setting.
Do you have a range of nice male friends? The best recommendation (from a woman's point of view) is for a guy to enjoy the respect of other guys like him. If you lack a range of male friends then take up some activities that will enrich your life and bring you into contact with Good guys. Take up fishing. Enroll in a Woodwork class and learn to make things. Volunteer for activities that will help the community. Join a group involved in a improving a run down area or a visiting program to visit vulnerable people in hospital who have no relatives to visit them. These activities will enrich your life. And demonstrate to others that you are one of the Good Guys.
when you do meet a nice girl take things slowly. Be respectful of her space. Do not rush in. Listen, observe, and notice how she behaves and interacts with other people before you even consider engaging her in conversation. And meet her more than once in a social setting before you rush to ask her out.
By the way the "joke" with the shower could easily bother many girls and if a girl is in the bathroom having a shower alone, then do not go into the bathroom.
What one person calls a "joke" another person may not see as funny. If being a comedian is not your day job then I would leave the "jokes" to the professional comedians. It would go down like a lead balloon with the girls who do not think it is funny and would turn the girl off you.
Do not flirt with a girl who is about to marry someone else. Such girls are not for you.
Take things very slowly and respectfully in any new relationship. Mix it up a little. Do everyday things. Like cook a meal together. Visit an art exhibition together and discuss it. Do not choose places that are ruinously expensive. Start as you mean to go on. So choose affordable outings. If there is a beauty spot them pack a nice picnic lunch and visit the beauty spot together.
Try to mix it up and make it interesting so that the dates do not become routine and boring.
Know what you want. But reveal your values and attitudes and motivations slowly. Reveal no more than she reveals. o it step by step. Learning to trust as you go. But not over-whelming her in the beginning with far too much information.
Now make a list of the qualities that you will most value in a long term partner.
If you were shopping for a new home you would have already identified the key things that were important to you.
It is the same with relationships. How can you find the woman of your dreams and recoognise her if you have not already listed her key qualities and ensured that her values and attitudes are in syn with yours?
You do not have to be carbon copy versions of each other. But you do certainly need to be on the same page for some key attitudes, values and the direction you want to go in life.
Hope it all goes well.
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