A
male
age
41-50,
*anitysoul28
writes:I'm 29 years old and I've never been in the dating or hookup scene. I didn't date in high school or college. I had two long distance relationships, the last one ended when I was 23. I have since been celibate. I have had many female friends, family members, acquaintances and coworkers and always got along well with them. But I've almost never done anything sexual with women. Why is this on my mind? Well, the older I get, and the more people I know who have gone through all the experiences, made their mistakes, learned their lessons and have settled down with great relationships and now families, the more I see myself as having simply missed the boat, that perhaps I have no chance of ever participating in the dating and mating ritual. I have friends of both genders, but scattered around, no actual circle, and certainly no groups I can socialize with and meet women that way. Which means I can't just go to a buddy and say hey I'm having trouble with this. I'm even a musician, but I play with a bunch of married middle aged guys in dive bars and clubs and I live in a run down town where there aren't many quality people in general to be honest. So essentially what I'm asking is, is it still possible to get into the fray, and if so, how? Or has my window closed? Or is thinking there is a window to begin with the mistake?
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celibate, co-worker, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2015): i'm 27 and never had a girlfriend, it often depresses me
A
female
reader, Nephertite  +, writes (4 June 2012):
 I'm an idiot - my bad, but it works the same way. Whomever you find.. will be DEFINITELY worth the wait. For now, be confident and sure of yourself. There's nothing more a woman loves than a man who's sure of himself. If you meet the ladies don't be too shy.. shyness can be cute, but also show you are sure of yourself and flirt, be happy, do what comes naturally.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2012):
 You have not missed the boat so to speak. My fiancé is 39 now and he’s finally met a woman (me) who stirred him enough to want to get married for the first time in his life. My son at 25 is still going out and trying to meet the right person.
My close friends are getting married in September and he’s 52 in August. It’s his first marriage and the first serious GF he’s ever had….
We met gaming….(something we both love) So keep doing what you love to do and you will meet someone…
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A
male
reader, sanitysoul28 +, writes (4 June 2012):
sanitysoul28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm a male.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): My friend, I'm in a similar boat and share similar concerns to you. I'm 28 and have had a few relationships which to say the least have crumbled. I see people my age and people I know from school, who have settled down in a steady relationship, have families and a good job etc... And I think to myself I need to pull my finger out now or its never going to happen. But, there isn't an instruction manual with life and (except the law) there is no right or wrong way to live or a time schedule we should have done certain things by (maybe the children part but are in no way too old right now to start a family), and everyone does things at their own pace and when the time is right for them. All I can say is its never too late to find that special person you want to settle down with, marry and spend the rest of your life with and there is no rush. Its safer to take your time and do things right than to rush into a handful of disasterous relationships (like I did) and achieve nothing. If intimacy is also bothering you or lack thereof, there's no harm in maybe meeting the occasional lady for no strings "fun" as they say, perhaps. It may be beneficial for you to search the internet and join some respected dating sites and see what you can pull out of the bag that way, if there's no immediate way of just going out and physically meeting women. You have nothing to lose, and perhaps a lot to gain...don't give up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2012): No you most definitely have not missed the boat! The first time I got married I was 29 then again at 33 and again at 47. People always come along so please don't worry at all. It s keeping them that is the hard thing!
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A
female
reader, Nephertite +, writes (4 June 2012):
I'm 27.. never had a boyfriend, except one Long Distance Relationship... that's out the window now. I know how you feel. But sometimes you just gotta wait and let it happen. My sister never had a bf and at 28 she met someone and is finally getting married this October. I believe this kind of thing will happen when the time is right. No one knows when, but it will just happen. My didter too believed she'd NEVER find anyone.. yet here she is now. Don't worry.. continue to be confident and happy and make sure you have things in your life that fulfill you. I do yoga everyday to occupy my mind and I read a lot. Try somethign you like to make you happy and take your mind off any negativity. Hugs. And I'll always be praying for the wonderful women like us who have yet to be swept off our feet. When we do find the man, he will be WORTH the wait. :)
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (4 June 2012):
No, you haven't "missed your window". My son is 32, and will be married in about a month to a similar-aged girl he met just 2 years ago.
But you may have a little "catching up" to do. Look back through my recent posts to find the advice I've given to others, both guys and gals, in similar situations. Even those "married middle-aged guys" have neighbors, daughters, nieces, co-workers, etc who they could introduce you to. When I was 22, it was a married, middle-aged woman about my parents' age who introduced me to the woman who would become my wife and life partner (almost 38 years and still going).
And, in all seriousness, consider finding a relationship counselor or therapist who can help you with this problem.
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A
female
reader, LoleetKa  +, writes (4 June 2012):
Listen girl , it is never too late to be happy and do the right thing . Point out a guy that you like and do the first step be brave and confident , be yourself
And change some life ways u used to run by
And most important of all live happily single or in relationship coz simply no man can make you whole if you couldn't make ur self whole .
Be strong and go for chances life is filled up with singles and chances ;)
And sometimes trying is the best you can do :)
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