A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Folks,I have known this girl for approx 4 years and we have been great close friends. A few weeks ago our friendship changed and with a planned visit out of town we had a very special day and ended up having sex.Shes got me bad under her spell now and I am being the puppy dog that just will no back away or back down and its really causing me pain thinking that i could have been used.She is really into being a sub, after the weekend she confessed to me that the fantasy did not meet up into the reality (for me sex is about being close to somebody and having contact for her its about power and control)Afterwards we were both ok but something changed with us, i took the messages for the worse and really went low and she could see this and backed away.Since then i have sent a few really descriptive texts to her about what i know she will like and with no reply she still chats to me on the Internet and if i bring up the txts she says oh i haven't seen my phone today or i will let you know if if/when i see it.We had a codeword if things got bad in the bedroom and in the first text i said use it if you dont want this... is she now playing out this fantasy? if so its ripping me to shreads and I cannot stop thinking about her when she said that we should be friends from the last time as she didnt want to loose me as a friend and its obvious now I am not being much of one. Help! I have tried talking to her but I do not want to kill the fanstasy by being to upfront.Not knowing what todo, I talked to a mate about the situation and am now paranoid that he will tell her. Have i messed up in both accounts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Hi,
It sounds to me like you felt you had a special friendship with this girl, and now that you crossed that line,and it became sexual, that maybe this has made you want to be more deeply involved with the girl, but maybe for her she doesn't feel the same way. Firstly, you need to stop blaming yourself, you haven't done anything wrong, you took a chance with someone you fancied, this is what all men and women do in order to find out if they can make a relationship out of an attraction or friendship.
You need to let the girl go, distract yourself with a hobby so you don't become obsessed with her, and start beleiving in yourself as a person, because you sound like a genuine, kind, and caring guy.
You need to learn that it could take meeting afew more girls until you meet the right one, the one who will enjoy being intimate with you and will show you respect and be caring, which is what you deserve. So give your friend some space, and trust your instincts and your heart...what is your heart telling you?
Seek the truth not the illusion.
I do hope this helps,
take care and all the best with it! :-)
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