A
female
age
41-50,
*roken35
writes:I'm a married mother of 2 and recently ended an affair with the love of my life. I know most people think this when they're having an affair but he truly was the love of my life. He was my first. We met in high school and 18 yrs later, met again through a social network. When we broke up in HS, I was devastated for many years. I moved on, but was never truly over him. The memory of him strained whatever relationship I had afterwards. Eventually, I married and had a child. This marriage lasted 5 yrs before I began an affair with a doctor I worked with. This man convinced me he was in love with me and wanted me to leave my husband for him. I did. I am currently married to this man, and we have a child together, as well. He is a good man and wonderful father and provider, I'm just not in love with him. At one time, I thought that I was, though. Fast fwd 4 yrs. I meet my first love again. Our passion for each other is still very much there. We fall in love. Fast. Our affair lasts a year.He asks me to leave my husband. In my heart, I want to. But I know this is not what is best for my kids. My lover being a very blue collar guy, living in a tiny apartment in the city; I,living in a beautiful house in the country-not rich, but well taken care of. I am torn between being with the love of my life, and living a secure and comfortible life. Not to mention my children's future. My lover and I ended our affair many times thoughout it.Terrible things being said (verbal abuse from him) but never able to go more than 3 days w/o contact. This time, I think it's truly over. He has been pulling away from me for the past 2-3 mo. Making excuses as to why he hasn't called or seen me. I believe he's found someone else. Although I don't blame him for this, I'm devastated by it. I miss him. I am in love with him and will be until the day I die. His parting words to me were less than friendly. I read these texts often to keep from contacting him. It has been 3 days. My question is, have I made the right decision? My heart is broken. (Also, 4 mo into our affair, my husband found out and since has kept me nearly on lock-down in my home) I'm open to any and all advice or suggestions on where to go from here. Thank You.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): Forget this past love that has returned into your life. Chances are that if you did leave your husband, life would not be quite as perfect with the ex love as you'd like to think. Be realistic, you are engulfed in a fantasy - partly based on a relationship formed when you were very young. We all have to sometimes just get on with life as it is. Yes your heart is broken at the moment but try hard to realise that what you have lost was only an illusion of what 'might' have been and not based in reality. Take it from someone who has been in a similar situation - no contact, break free of what could only damage you in the end.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): you have a history of cheating and sadly you have proven that you are not the faithful type.
I agree, please leave your hb. he cheated with a cheater (you) and now you are cheating on him. cheaters dont change , just change M.O.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, MugenTj +, writes (20 July 2011):
 I hope he isn't encouraging you to get back together again. Unless your husband abuse you (when he didn't know that you cheated, not to say what the current lock down is alright.) You will have to work to gain his trust again. I think you have a lot to protect with your current family.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Leave both of them. You are not in love with your husband and it's not fair for you to string him along just because of the kids. They'll know that this had nothing to do with them, so let him be happy with someone else. Leave the other guy too. He knew you were married and still decided to come on to you. How do you know he won't be doing the same thing to someone else when you leave to be with him? Take a break from this guy for good. You say he's not the same and you believe he's found someone else, so why keep wasting your time? Falling in love by having an affair isn't the way to do it. Find someone who you know is good enough to stay with you and fulfills all your needs, that seem to not be getting met.
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