A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was seeing someone up until a few months ago, we weren’t together very long but I really started to care for him. Anyway he’d not long got out a relationship before we met, moved out and started his new life so wanted to take things slowly, he then got appendicitis’s and ended things with me. Saying he wasn’t ready.We messaged a few times after that but then I sent him a message saying how I felt...with no reply.5 weeks later he messaged saying he’s not in a good place and wanted to see me, I stupidly went and even though we didn’t spend the night together we were automatically quite tactile with each other, he really opened up. I haven’t heard from him since, he hasn’t replied and I feel like a massive idiot!! Have I just been used?
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 October 2018):
 Used you how exactly? Nothing happened.
He’s fresh out of a relationship and quite clearly told you that his heads a mess. What are you expecting?
Newly single people are not looking for serious relationships.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 October 2018):
 I have to agree, I don't think he USED you either.
You already KNEW he wasn't ready to date seriously, he was recently out of another relationship AND he ENDED it with you. Saying he wasn't ready.
So WHEN he did contact you 5 weeks later, you PRESUMED that he was now ready? And that is why you went to see him?
He pretty much told you he wanted someone to take his mind off things. Which sounds like he was offering something VERY casual.
You could have held off on the "tactile" part of it and just talked. After all, you hadn't heard from him in 5 weeks so why jump in with both feet?
My advice? UNLESS you can slow down, keep your expectations in check maybe it's better for you to just block him and move on.
I think IF you are looking to date someone for a serious relationship... HE isn't it. He might not be for a long time and by then (if you stick around) you probably wouldn't be the one he wants to date. You have seen him at some low points and many people (especially guys) prefer to not "give away" too much too soon (emotionally).
Don't feel like an idiot, just take things a LOT slower next time. And DON'T get physical/tactile with someone you aren't dating seriously, IF you feel that is part of a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 October 2018):
 When someone tells you they are not in a good place, believe them and, unless you want to follow them, tread carefully.
To be frank, as you were not together long, you should really ask yourself if you should be supporting this guy at an emotional cost to yourself.
Expect nothing from him and you will not be disappointed. Think long and hard before running to him when he clicks his fingers. He didn't use you as much as you ALLOWED him to use you. YOU had a choice of whether to go running or not. Remember how you felt/feel and vow not to allow it to happen again. Your #1 priority should be your own health and happiness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2018): He has told you he is not in a good place and not really ready for another relationship, that doesn't mean to say he doesn't miss sex and affection. It is not so much you have been used just he cannot give you what you want and in this kind of situation it is doubtful it will progress onto anything serious. He might take months if not a year or two to really get over her.
My advice is cut contact and move on, then YOU are in control and won't feel used if he makes contact again. Just wish him well if you hear from him again and move on.
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