A
female
age
41-50,
*ock chic
writes:Hi. Been in my relationship with bf for 4yrs we have a daughter together thing is since the start of r/ship he has lied about certain things, he has an alcohol problem so he has lied about drinking. For some time I thought he was t-total! I told him the last time if he lies we are over, i said I rather he tell me the truth at least we got something to work on and I will respect him more etc Well me and our daughter was stayin with my parents for a few days last week ( we do this every couple months for a change of scenery ) anyway I come home two days ago and find a reciept for three Stella's!! It was dated the night before I come home. I asked him all casual if he has had drink at all and if he had would he tell me, his reply was no and he would tell me! Liar! I confronted him with receipt, think he was more gutted he was found out. I understand he is very stressed lately but to lie to my face yet again?! I cant take it so told him to find a place and leave.Am I doin the right thing?? He has lied so much I just can't trust him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 IF you told him if he lied to you again you would end it and he lied to you then you are right to end it.
IF you do not end it he will know he can lie to you and get away with it. IF you want him to move out and work on his problems (lying and drinking) I think that's acceptable. I'm not like the others who have posted.. I GET WHY you told him to leave and I do agree with it.
My BF drinks. and yes he's an alcoholic. but he's in serious denial that he's an alcoholic. He's what we call a functional alcoholic.. he has a good job, he does his chores, he drives, he's a contributing member to society and our home and relationship BUT, I do not confront him about it nor do I question it and I've stopped telling him how i feel about it. I found AlAnon a big help to me to cope with his drinking that he's not ready to deal with.
A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Does he have a drinking problem? As in, is he alcoholic or had a history of alcohol abuse? If he is then it is definitely good to confront him and deal with this issue head on.Otherwise, I don't quite see the big deal in him having a few drinks every so often as long as he does so in moderation and not much around your daughter. But then again, this is your relationship, not mine.The lies are something that have to be dealt with though and you probably made the right choice there. Having a relationship with someone who lies is difficult. Honesty is a cornerstone of all healthy relationships, and if he isn't able to be honest with you then your future together is in trouble.As worldywise said, you either have to stick to your guns and end the relationship, or try to find a way to stop the lying and sort out the drinking. Communicating with him is the best way to do this.Best of luck
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (31 October 2011):
To be honest it sounds to me a bit over the top that you left him over that, especially considering you have a child together.
I'm not saying it's right to lie, but it's a bit of a drastic reaction. Is it the best option for your daughter?
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A
female
reader, Rock chic +, writes (31 October 2011):
Rock chic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell he used to drink all the time, even sometimes in the morning. He did attend aa for a while but gave up as he thought he could help himself. Since then I found once before about him drinking behind my back and lying to my face about it. I told him it would be the last time I will forgive him. But obviously he has done it again
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (31 October 2011):
 Normal drinkers don't lie about alcohol use... they can take it or leave it. My suspicion is that he is drinking even more than you know about.
While you don't go into details about the length and how much he actual does drink; if you suspect he has a problem, he probably does.
If you didn't have a child together, I'd encourage to you think very hard about what you are getting out of this relationship. Getting a problem drinker to correct his or her behavior takes a lot of dedication and usually has a lot of ups and downs. The chance of recidivism is high and only about a fraction of people that seek help actually make a lifetime commitment to sobriety.
At this point, I'd encourage you to look into al-anon and see if you can get some support there. In addition, you may make it a condition to your boyfriend that if you want to remain together that he needs to abstain completely from alcohol as well as attend a self-help group like Alcoholics Anonymous or see a professional whose focus is addiction. There are no half-measures here -- its either no alcohol or he finds someone else.
Each person has their limit as to what to take and if you've reached yours, you've obviously done the best you can. Again, I'd encourage you to have him seek help with the idea that that might be a precondition as far as getting back together.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Rock chic +, writes (31 October 2011):
Rock chic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell no he used to drink all the time even in the morning when he woke up. But he did go aa for a bit and said he can help himself fair enough he got better but like I said he had lied a lot b4 and finding out his drinking again just worries me he will go back to way he was and even if he don't he still lying!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2011): I wouldn't call 3 cans of Stella a drink problem, but if his drinking is his main focus in life and he doesn't work just wakes up and drinks himself senseless daily,then yes, he has a drink problem.
However the lies are a biggy and it does make you wonder what else he may be lying about.And why he feels the need to lie to you.
If you don't trust him,can't live with the drinking and lies,then yes you know your bounderies in this relationship and he isnt living up to your expectations. So ending it was your choice and you have to stick by it or try and find a long term solution to his problems,which it seems you can't
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