A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am in a commited long distance relationship since 1 year 4 months.i have messed up very badly.i really love my bf and even he loves me a lot but now i have created a big mess.in the month of june,there was a misunderstanding between me and my bf.i gave him a letter when he came to meet me.one day his friend noticed the letter and started thinking something bad,as we have never mentioned about our relationship.so just to prove that it was a friendly letter my bf read that letter in front of his friend.(i wrote friendly because i didn't want to take risk).i got annoyed at this and there was a fight.he threw away all my gifts due to anger.the gifts included special things like god's statue,the band which i gave him when we spent our first night,the shirt which i gifted him on his bday.he tored it and burnt the letter.this created a deep impact impact on my mind as i have kept all the things of his,even a chocolate wrapper.the next day i went to school,there was a guy,he stared flirting with me,i also did and then i smooched him.i even sucked his penis for 15seconds.then later i felt bad and confessed this in front of my bf.he forgave me for this.then in this august there was another big fight,i asked him whether he feels guilty masturbating to porn pics.he said no.i told him that i feel bad.he said he will try to stop,but he hasn't actually.then he said he wants to drink beer,smoke,i strictly said no..but he still argues.then i asked how much he is comfortable in me making physical connections with a guy.he said nething only the guy should not think wrong about me.there was a guy named rahul(name changed)in my class,we both hugged each other as i remember my bf sayings.moreover i had a crush on this guy.i never hide anything from my bf so i told that i hugged him.he reacted differently and said if he will say me to have sex with 5 men will i do it.how can i do this.there was again a huge fight and he told me in anger to die.i was crying badly on phone but he didn't cared.so the next day the guy whom i had crush,rahul proposed me in mail.i said yes.then he was my bf for two days..but we broke up,as i couldn't hide anything from my bf.my bf still accepted me.then again..things went up and down and again me and rahul smooched and he touched my boobs and i touched his penis (from outside the clothes)then i told this to my bf,and i even said if he wants he can go out of my life because i couldn't be a great lover.he didn't.but he said me to break contact with rahul..but i couldn't.and still my bf accepted.after breaking up with rahul i told him the truth.but after that rahul started torturing me emotionally.he used to cry on phone.he said he will comitt a suicide,he truly loves me and can't live witout me.then he cutted his finger and with the blood wrote sorry for hurting me emotionally.then again things changed.my bf earlier used to live away from his parents due to studies.now he has gone back to his parents.he is not contacting me much.but rahul contacts me every now and then.today again i smooched rahul and he touched my boobs..and i his penis.only from outside,again i told this to my bf,he said he will be with me if i want to be with my bf.actually problem is that rahul supported me.he is a guy who doesn't watch porn,loves me the most,spends time,cares about me,but still can't leave my bf as i love him.we made physical relation inspite of knowing this.not only this,but my finger got cut.so rahul writes all my school notes and helps me in studies.we shared a good bonding.but what now?i dont want to break contact with rahul but i have to if i have to live with my bf.but the situation is not easy.rahul will kill himself for sure which i dont want to happen.at the same time my bf can live without me but definetely it won't be easy for him.i am torn as well as equally confused.rahul is getting mad,he is crying.and one more thing.in between when i was in a relation with rahul,i also smooched the guy whom i got involved in june.this also my bf knows.did i really did something wrong or was it the situation which made me to do so?i have hurted my bf.what can i do now?thanks for patient reading.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): You can't make decisions for everyone. You have to do what is best for you.
Maybe you should just leave both of them and have some time where you can date whoever you want without the stress of being in a relationship.
Good Luck
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