A
male
age
41-50,
*nnony
writes:Hi,I had a good relationship with my ex-gf(that's what I always thought) but when I started my new job, I was unable to spend the same amount of time with her as I previously did. Meanwhile, she got close to my best friend(Mr. A). She used to jokingly tell me that I now spend a lot of time talking to him to which I was fine. Gradually, they had gotten too close emotionally and had started loving each other. She started pushing me for a partner-swap(just kissing and cuddling, no sex) which i agreed to just for the fun of it, never for-seeing what would come next, as I had a lot of emotional faith on her. The deal was I spend time with another friend(Miss B) and she spends time with Mr A. She almost forced me into allowing her to spend a night with him to which I agreed to.I had spent that night alone though, not with Miss B. I don't know how I allowed it but again, I had lot of faith on her and I thought she too was doing it only for fun and she too loved me. I never wanted her to emotionally sway away from me. There were somethings which I always disapproved of. She still kept pushing me towards the swapping thing, she literally used to portray this scene with I and Miss B making out(again, only smooching, no sex) and my gf was said that she was absolutely fine with it. Once the 4 of us were in a room, and I cuddled and kissed Miss B under a blanket, a view obscured from my gf. My gf got pissed off bcoz of this and I apologized to her and I promised her that I would not do it again(which I did not). I dont know why as she was the one who kinda pushed me into this, so she gets close to Mr A.Gradually, we forgot everything and life became good again(or so I thought). We both left the country to work abroad and had a great time together for a year, at least I had. This was when I had loved her like crazy. I had forgotten abt the past and was super-happy with my present. When she returned back to the home country, she started spending a lot of time with Mr A while I was still abroad. Her behavior started changing for me and one day she confessed that she loved Mr A since the time I started my job. I was heartbroken and was really v sad coz i never expected this from her. I asked her if she wanted to continue with me or him. She thought for a few days and said she wanted to continue with me. I asked her to forget everything and start afresh. I was happy again. The girl I loved so much was back with me. After a few months, she again told me that she was unable to forget her feelings for Mr A. This again left me super-sad. To which she again said, that she wanted to be with me, without me forcing. I forgave her once again. I returned back to my country. We started spending sometime together, trying to forget the past. We had some quarrels over the issue but I still wanted to be with her. One day I came to know that she went for a movie with Mr A and his friends but she had lied to me. This really pissed me off, so I rebuked her and asked her to call the relationship off. But after a day I apologized to her but then she didnt want to continue with me. She begun spreading rumors about my rebuking behavior (which frankly I did only once)which I wasnt aware of. I pleaded her to come back to me but she refused. Meanwhile, she and Mr A wanted to marry each other to which their parents refused. I wasnt aware of what was happening in the background, as I thought she was probably pissed off with me thats why she isnt coming back to me. But when their parents refused their relationship she started coming back for me. When I came to know what had happened, I called it off. She pleaded but then I didnt want to go back as I had lost faith on her. When I had to give the reason for my breakoff to my near and dear ones, I told them that she had started to love Mr A and thus we quit.What I feel bad about is that I was somewhere involved in getting allowing her to get close to him, although I didnt know what the consequences would turn out to be. I never wanted her to leave me or love somebody else. Neither did I deliberately hid this swapping thing when I revealed my breakup to my friends as I had completely forgotten about it by then. I feel bad now that I never revealed it to anyone that this swapping thing happened and indirectly I was involved. AM I WRONG?
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best friend, heartbroken, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Annony +, writes (26 September 2010):
Annony is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks LLindy87. Really appreciate your reply. I have learnt from my past and I would never commit such a mistake again howmuch ever bored I am of the present. Then, I was too naive, and thus got attracted with the offer. I have moved on. But my question still remains. Have I done anything wrong by not revealing the swapping story(although not deliberately)or am I just trying to be too perfect?
Thanks
A
female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (26 September 2010):
 your first mistake was the swapping. NEVER allow your girlfriend to cheat on you, that makes you the worlds biggest pushover. Even if she gave you miss B for you...she ended up using her against you later on anyhow. NOT WORTH IT.
what the hell were you getting out of that? I can see so many things she was getting, nothing that you were getting.
run far away from this girl and learn from this experience. Open relationships usually invite future trouble into the relationship.
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