A
male
age
30-35,
*ryingToFindHome
writes:Dear AllI would really appreciate any advice you may be able to offer, I’m so distraught in confusion, thank you.Heres the story...I’m in 5th year of secondary school, I’m leaving next June. I have been really fond of this girl since the first year, so for nearly five years, I just really like everything about her, her mannerism, personality, looks etc, but I never said anything.Over the years I have spoken to her at times etc, and I think she knows I’m fond of her but we’ve always just talked now and then. I don’t hang round or no with her friends, there the popular lot of the year if u get me and I just talk to everyone but just keep myself to myself.Anyway, this year as were both leaving and won’t be meeting again, I have a online way of contacting her, but I decided this year I would tell her how I feel, whenever the moment came.Yesterday I was in a lesson (we sit near), her friends were chatting with me and I was chatting with them and her, the friends started teasing us after I made a complement about her work (I think they can see something between us), I then said ‘I do’ when answering a question, which lead to jokes about me and her being married etc.Later she asked, ‘do you really like me?’, I told her I loved her dearly and always had, she was shocked and her friends inquired why, I explained and her and her friends were like ‘oh how sweet’ and shocked at what I had said.She didn’t respond but I know that she wouldn’t admit it even if she had feelings because her friends etc, also are parents are strict and say no relationships till we leave etc (I hear). I too don’t believe in the whole teenage romance ‘going out stuff’, but I believe people can meet in high school and that people can love each over at my age.I turned to her and said ‘XXXXXXXXXX, I know it wouldn’t work for you now, but I want you to know I promise you I will be here for you in and won’t have any relationships with anyone in coming years, until we ever met again hopefully and by then if you were married or with someone I wouldn’t mind, but my love would be there for you and by then if I’m still not right for you, then I would pretend this never happened and respect you as always’Now I wasn’t looking for comments but her friends and her were like ‘oh sweet’ etc, but then she said you would really do that, why? Why wouldn’t you want me? But if I met a guy you would be heartbroken?I explained that I wouldn’t and how I wanted it to be no pressure (as her friends suggested it could be) and I wanted her to forget this, but to know I would for her.For the rest of the lesson she looked shocked and to me uneasy, but later I saw and she waved and said hi.I felt so uneasy and foolish, I wondered if I had upset her and worried if it was too much and a big mistake. Last night I couldn’t rest and messaged her ‘I’m so sorry for saying what I said in front of everyone. It was really disrespectful and wrong how and what I said. All I meant to say was I’ll always be here if you need me. I hope you can forgive me’, she replied‘It’s ok, don’t worry about it! I understand why you said and everything it’s just that you don’t need to wait for me for years. There’s nothing to forgive you for because you didn’t do anything wrong. Xxx’I can’t but feel ‘you don’t need to wait’ means it won’t ever work out. I have been so upset all day inside and have found today hard. I didn’t look at her as I passed, but I noticed her looking once and once our eyes met briefly.I feel like an idiot, I don’t know what to do, I told her male friend who approached me that I had apologised and knew it wouldn’t ever happen, but he was real sympathetic to me and so were her friends.Do I wait to see if she will approach me? Or shall I just stay quiet (I will have to sit near her later this week). If you feel I have been rejected, may I ask what helps the pain :(?Thank you so much for reading this, and any council you may offer.
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male
reader, TryingToFindHome +, writes (2 December 2008):
TryingToFindHome is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I made a spelling error:
'Now I wasn’t looking for comments but her friends and her were like ‘oh sweet’ etc, but then she said you would really do that, why? Why wouldn’t you want me? But if I met a guy you would be heartbroken?'
I meant 'Why would you want to be with me?'
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