A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Just a quickieIm 36 and in a relationship that I'm very unsure of. My boyfriend of 2 yrs can be sulky and childish and is never wrong.He wants us to have a child and I really want to start a family more than anything. He wont ever change and I know that. Friends tell me I can do so much better.What should I do, have a baby that I so long for or risk never having children in the search for a more caring, understanding relationship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): thank you everyone,
your answers are so gratefully appreciated. I know deep down there is someone better out there for me with less issues. Its just with my biological clock ticking away and friends constantly telling me I should hurry uo and have a baby that causes me sleepless nights and panic attacks!. I think a fresh start to 2009 is just what I need to be honest.
Thanks again xxx
A
female
reader, blackroses2989  +, writes (31 December 2008):
 Instead of thinking, "should I have a child with him" Try to think of it in this sense " Do I want to be with this man all my life?" "Does he make me happy?" " How would he provide for a family if we decided on it." If you are thinking in the terms of should I wait for someone better it hints that you may want to wait for someone else. Ask yourself " Do I love him" then think "Will I still love him if he can't change" " can he do what he needs to do in order to be a parent" For example, help you make dinner, Change a baby's diaper, feed the baby so you can sleep etc. My best advice is to sit on it and just think a bit more. Sometimes when you love someone, but realize they cant change for the person they love or for a family it is best to let go. But I really hope you can work things out, I hope those questions can help you reflect and think before you make a serious decision. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): Quick answer.. If the man is sulky and childish and is never wrong, and these things bother you, the relationship is in big trouble, and you will feel more and more resentful in time. Babies will make things worse. He'll still be sulky and childish and never wrong, but you'll have a child to deal with and you two will start fighting all the time.
The longer you wait, the more you will limit your options for children with somebody else. Your family think you can do better, if they are telling you that, isn't it about time you listened.... If you were head over heals in love, and couldn't bear to leave him, then our answers would probably be very different. Love seems to have gone and you don't sound like you even really like the guy anymore, so why are you hanging arround and wasting your time?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 December 2008):
If he's sulky and childish now, can you imagine him after you haven't slept for a couple of days and the baby is crying AGAIN at 4am?
I know you can hear the biological clock ticking but that is no reason to bind yourself to this guy for life through a child.
If it comes to it, you can always go out and find a donor from your male friends.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): I may be old fashioned but I believe if you are going to raise a child it is best if the parents are married to each other. If you are having doubts about your boyfriend it may be time to move on and find someone you would consider more worthy of making a family with you.
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A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (30 December 2008):
 If you are not sure he is the right guy, then the last thing you should do is further cement your commitment to him with a child.
If you know he won't ever change, it is up to you to decide whether you can live with him, possibly for the rest of your life, the way he is. No relationship will ever be perfect, but this doesn't mean you have to "settle" for someone who doesn't truly make you happy.
Science has come a long way. You might consider having some of your eggs frozen for fertility treatments at a later time, if this option is financially feasible and you have no religious or other objections. It would then be possible for you to have a child even during or after menopause, when you HAVE met the "right" guy to start a family with.
Good luck.
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