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*oney62002
writes: Please help me understand why i feel the way i do....I split up with my ex-boyfriend a long time ago now, nearly a year. In this time i have moved on and found a lovely new boyfriend who treats me very well... but secretly i am still not over what happened before even though all this time has passed.My ex was in the army. he didnt always treat me that well, was not sensitive to my feelings or what i wanted out of the relationship - but i loved him so very much, i would have done anything for him and planned my future around him. He had a history of messing girls around and also an alcohol addiction but still i loved him ( i had only had 1 relationship prior to meeting him). After a night out drinking we had an argument, he left and the next morning came around to my house to pick up his stuff and tell me 'it wasn't working out'. We kept in touch for a while by text, i got the occasional phone call, but i havent seen him at all since the day it ended. He wanted to be 'friends' but i couldnt manage that and eventually all contact has stopped. I felt rejection, hurt all the feelings when you're dumped. During that time i also lost two close friends as i found they werent being true friends after all. it was a really bad time and i felt so depressed.Anyway the main problem is that i still dwell over the past and all the bad things that happened. Everytime something in my life goes wrong and i feel down these bad thoughts from the past return to haunt me and i start to think my ex is having a better life than me. My mum wont listen to me anymore and it just causes arguments, if i even bring up my ex's name. I dont think i love him anymore, i just dont know why im so hung up over it and dont seem to have let go.Please help!
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reader, dannyboy +, writes (29 August 2006):
this past boyfriend was obviously a big prt of your life if youre still thinking about him this time on but from the sounds of it the relationship was no good for you. noone on here will know the whole story so wont know how you feel about the two men but if bad things make you think of this past guy then its not a good thing. this new fella sounds like he could be a good thing for you and id take my chances on him making you happy. if theres things that youre feeling and cant see why, councilling through your gp would help, i had a break up and it helped me through, it helps you make sense of things in a way you cant do on your own, like i said, noones going to know the whole story on here but if the very mention of this guys name causes rows, that should set those alarms off in your head. let me know how it goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): Forgiveness is a hard thing to do at times.
This man, the Ex, sounds like a very unhappy individual and if he was known to cheat and abuse alcohol...it is not very likely he is happy and healed.
I say you need to really let him go.
Why would you seek after a man who doesn't want you? Why would you feel you needed his approval? Is your mother like this? Your father? Was Dad absent? Who did you see that acted like this when you were a child? Was one or both parents alcohol abusers? Were they emotionally distant? Is this why Mom won't talk about it as it sounds too familiar?
The best revenge for you is to live a happy and successful life.
Have you looked into individual therapy?
Good Luck Sweetie.
*hugs*
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