A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex-girlfriend and I broke up at the end of May, about 4 months ago. I was extremely hurt because of the things she had done that were unfair to me, and I never contacted her over those 4 months. She contacted me a few times about random things, and each time I reminded her that we agreed to not speak to each other for a while because we thought that would be best.She began college this fall as a freshmen (I am a junior in college), and since about a few days into the whole thing she's been trying to talk to me a lot. She's called me, texted me, using instant messenger and facebook chat, and each time I told her I would prefer to continue to not talk. My reason for that was I wanted her to realize all the things she had done. I was really upset, and I still am, about the way she treated me and I wanted her to realize the things she had done on her own. So anyways even after I told her that we shouldn't talk, she continued to contact me. Yesterday she told me how sorry she was about everything she had done. I didn't illicit anything from her. She talked for a long time about how it was always unfair for me, and I have every reason to hate her, and she's just really sorry for everything that happened. She went on to explain that she thinks a lot of the problems in our relationship had to do with her insecurity. We were really close to each other, and that scared her. So there were times when she pulled back and closed herself off, because she just didn't have a lot of experience with relationships. She said that with the inexperience and her insecurity, she wasn't able to realize that I was special and she really cared about me.So I ended up talking for her for a while last night, but at the end of it we both said that we didn't know where this left us in terms of if we're okay to talk or not. I told her I wanted to take some time to think it over.Now, my question is this: Today I feel like I gave her too much, like talking to her was a bad idea. I spent the last 4 months focusing on not talking to her so now that I have talked to her for more than just a few minutes, I feel like I've failed a little bit. I'm afraid to begin talking to her again because I don't know if she's really changed. I don't know if she's different now or if she will take the same attitude once I talk to her a few times, and just cut me out of her life again. Any thoughts or advice? Thanks.
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male
reader, mrncgy +, writes (6 May 2009):
I have been in the same place for only a couple months and i can honestly say that i feel the same as i did the day we stoped speaking. she couldnt make up her mind after almost 2years, on wether or not she wanted to keep being with me. i did everything i could for her and she still left me standing here with my heart in my hands, stairing at the floor, eyes shrink-wrapped in tears. im one of the few men left on the earth who will admit to being deply in love with a girl so if you feel the same, hold on to that for dear life. you cant make a mistake by speaking to her because even if you didnt for 4months, you thought about it every day the whole time, and so whats the diffrence weather you speak or not? she is still on your thoughts every day so talking only validated your feelings. people are self-centered creatures, some more than others, so if she is not calling you and asking you how you are, or if she can make thing up ti you, then move on and let her know that you are worth more than a call once in a while. she probly talked about herself the whole time anyway, tight? take care
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2008): It sounds to me like you really are trying to move on with your life....she may just be contacting you because she misses your friendship...I know that after you have been hurt that it is hard to accept that person back into your life from fear that they wil hurt you again..but I think that you should at least try and rebuild you alls friendship...so it wouldn't be all of this when she calls... both of you are in college and these kind of things can put a strain on you and you won't be able to focus on your work..
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