A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am a married male and recently found out, by investigating my wife's internet history log that she had a secret Hotmail account that she was keeping from me. She has an Outlook email account as well, that we share for friends, business and family emails. This made me very suspicious so I installed a KeyLogger onto our laptop and found an email that she wrote to a friend of hers. Here is the exact portion of her email: "ooohh I wish I could kiss you, your mouth..........and below...........mmmmm........... I miss that fixation an apparent new and acquired delicate taste........"I confronted her and she said it was all a joke a fantasy that "NOTHING" like that ever happened. I want to believe her as we have been together for 20 years now, but this email indicates to me that she had performed oral sex on this guy (at least to me it does). She refuses to admit anything happened other than a kiss. Should I believe in my gut or trust that "nothing" happened else happened. It matters to me to know everything at this point to move forward. Since then she has stopped seeing him altogether and we are trying to rebuild a strained marriage. Thank you all for your help.
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male
reader, Ive had enough +, writes (24 November 2016):
Hell ya she did and don't think for a second it won't happen again. Wait till she gets the extra attention that flatters her from another. It won't just stop there. I promise you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): No matter what she has cheated. Both by kissing this guy (which she admitted to), and communicating with a guy in an inappropriate sexual manner. Even if she didn't suck him off, she is implying that she would like to, and so is still a cheater.If this was a one time thing, I'd say try and forgive and move on re-building your marriage, but her keeping a secret e-mail account would make me question whether not she wants to be faithful at all. Tell her you removed the keystroke software and you two are going to work it out. Forbid contact with this guy. No forms whatsoever, no e-mails, chats, nothing. Then in about a month or so, re-install the keystroke software and watch it (without her knowing) for about a month. If she wants to make it work and that was just a one-time thing, then you'll discover nothing more. If you do discover that she is still up to it (even just e-mails), then I'm dump her and get a good divorce lawyer and take her to the cleaners, no one deserves a cheating spouse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): iam sorry to say but if your wife has met this person and kissed him then i would say she did more and if there was nothing to hide why would she set up an e-mail account with out you knowing. But the only thing i can suggest is if you want to find out for sure is to get a p.i i know you have been married a long time and it will be hard what ever the outcome but this will only nag at you for a long time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): What do you think? Why are you asking us? It all matter what you think! Truthfully, from what you said she wrote to him.....I believe she did suck him off. I showed your 'post' to 48 people here at work. Every single one came to the decision that she "did" do it (sucked him off) 29 males here and 19 females here including me. Sorry about that, but it only matters what you think and believe at this point.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): After reading Irish's reply to you there is nothing that could be added or put better. You need to read her's over and over again.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Here's a little clue that I discovered during a relationship with a live in girlfriend way back in the early 1970s. If a woman performs oral on a man and she ingests his semen, there is no way that she can mask a hint of his aroma over the next 12 hours or more, but especially within a few hours.
There will be a definite odor on her breath that will seem very unusual to you. So, if you make sure to kiss your wife daily, every evening, you will detect a manly presence (smell) that should not be there. No amount of mouthwash, food, drink or anything else will make the unusual aroma dissipate quickly, as his semen is absorbed in her body and tends to cling within her mouth and along her esophagus. It is a dead giveaway. However, intercourse is less likely to result in a strange aroma about her if she bathed afterwards. I'm less certain about that, although it may linger about her vagina.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): We can't tell you if your wife has given some guy a blowjob, hun. And this whole thing has you conjuring up all sorts of imagry in your head. And I am sorry how this pains you. She was misguideed and not acting like a wife with values. This is just plainly not a cybersex thing going on with some total stranger across the country on the interent. Your wife has a fidelity problem..it's not there.
As a result, it's plain to see there are cracks in this marriage. Your wife kissed another man and for her to resist her inner drive to be self-indulgent, she must have a value system that enables her to judge bad behaviours vs good behaviours--with emphasis on marriage values. And we know in marriage and family, values are not options. She's lacking all this right now. Your wife shattered the trust and went over the boundaries here. But you state you are renewing and rebuilding. Your wife will have to earn your trust back. It will be a long, drawn out process. What she did was based on short term pleasure. Pleasure is self-involved. Marriage and true happiness is other-involved. She needs to know the difference. I think if you both are healing but you are are struggling, so I recommend you find a really good marriage counselor committed to restoring broken marriages. This will the only way to get your marriage back on track. Many, many married people have strayed and drifted, but a lot of them have used courage, love, forgiveness, and grace to grow into the best of families. A counselor will haelp you with that perspective. So get moving--saving this marriage will take strong will, grit and determination and you seem open to that. People are not necessarily, always happy in their marriages. However, it is a challenge through good times and bad...but it's those challenges that makes the connections of marriage run deeper into our souls, then just love,...it's the commitment to family and an incredible, partnership. My prayers are with you both...good luck.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 there are two scenarios that could be the truth here 1) she did just kiss him and is telling the truth, but engaged in some inappropriate flirtation after, which is wrong anyway. 2) she did perform oral on him and is lying to you. does it bother you that she kissed someone else? to be honest if i was to answer this id have to say that im inclined to think she did do more than just kiss him, this type of flirtation is either an indication that she wants to do it again or is planning to do it on a future secret rendez vous. i suppose the question is how much do you trust her?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Your wife has you, she has no worries, she's callous like a man when he's caught, she's brilliant. Yes, she has performed oral sex on this man. You know it, she knows it but maybe the underlying bottom line is big deal. It's okay for her to kiss the guy.Some people only want monogamous faithful partners, some people share their partners, some people just get caught in the middle (ie you)
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