A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my partner have been together over a year now. We have both deeply been in love for the whole of the time but have had a bumpy ride. I developed high anxiety at the beginning of the year when I was with him. This has mean't he has been taken from his friends and been at mine alot of the time keeping me safe and comforted as I've been afraid to leave the house. I've been clingy and held onto him for help and to feel safe and secure but more to the fact he means more to me then anything. Everything had been fine until this anxiety took a hard turn and I started to feel the strain. I'd get depressed, angry and upset all the time and I started to hate myself. This was when I doubted us I didn't want to hurt him and I ended it a few times but took him back instantly as it hurt too much to be apart from him. We don't keep any secrets from each other not one and I've been entirely honest with him right from the beginning as I felt comfortable from the start. Then I split up with him again claiming I didn't love him anymore when I did, I would tell him I didn't want to talk to him so I wasn't leading him on as I didn't love him and I'd sometimes be horrible and I pushed him away but at times we'd end up sleeping together and saying we loved each other but then the next day or moments after I'd push him away again and say I didn't love him. I watched as I destroyed the person I loved more then anything but I wanted to get better so I didn't hurt him anymore but then he started to move on one week. He loved me but he seemed to not handle it anymore. He told me he didn't know if he loved me anymore and that he started to like another girl and I broke down my heart had now been broken and I confessed everything to him and how much he means to me. He kept telling me he wanted us to work but he didn't know how he felt anymore and he was confused but the next day we met up and fell back into each others arms although he did say halfway through the day after our romantic walk that he was confused and didn't know. He saw me cry that day to him and I told him how much he mean't to me. He took me back and a couple weeks after confessed he felt that way because he was scared that I was going to hurt him again. It has only been a couple of month since we got back together and everything has been perfect apart from the fact of my anxiety part of it still. A few days back he told me he was confused again and didn't know how much he loved me anymore but he loved me. I'd never felt so hurt and damaged everything is perfect when were together and we have something special. I had to leave the house for a breath of fresh air but once I'd calmed down and gotten back home I told him to explain how he felt and he told me he doesn't know whats wrong and whether or not its the fact hes still hurt and vunerable that a part of him hasn't come back or the fact he never sees his friends. I've told him he can see his friends whenever he wants and for the first time I made the effort to stay at his house. I kept apologising and crying to him saying how sorry I am, he tells me to forget about everything the other day because he loves me and if it happens again for me to ignore it but he'll be honest with me. I'm so scared that I'll loose him. How can I fix things for us? Do I have to start overcoming my anxiety fast and doing things with him. I'm not sure what to do to make sure our relationship keeps growing strong. I've never loved someone so much and I'm sure it was the same for him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008): Hi - I have similar anxious states of mind and it has been caused through an emotionally abusive background. In your case it sounds a bit like mine and I wonder if you fear 'abandonment'. I would really encourage you to go on a positive journey for yourself during 2009 in the form of counselling. It can be a very beneficial experience and helps you get to the root of your very strong fears - understanding yourself is one part - and then you can work on pro-actively making steps to change your pattern of thinking. I know how exhausting those feelings can be and they grip you, and your partner, until the relationship breaks. At the moment you feel vulnerable so take this step and you will immediately feel you have grabbed the problem and bit by bit can take control.
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