A
female
age
26-29,
*oli
writes:A good guy friend confessed his feelings for me. He started off by hinting he had something to say, and that I had to promise it would not ruin our friendship. I replied that I had a feeling about what he wanted to say, and that he should rather not say it because I value our frienship too much. He said it anyway. Then I told him as politely as possible that I didn't feel the same and that I'm glad I had him as a friend. He started begging me to wait and give it time and reconsider. It got me annoyed, but I still gently tried to let him know that time won't change anything. This was last night. He's still texting me about how he won't give up and ending every message with 'I loves yous'. It's making me terribly uncomfortable and angry now. I already threatened that if he didn't stop, I'd start being harsh. I think he's just denying it to himself and finding it difficult to accept the rejection, which I totally understand. But I've also been rejected by a guy who I liked for more than 2 years and even still think about him, 7 months later, yet I never, ever, tried to convince or push him or press and pester him. Even though I wanted to. I left it it that. Let him be. Why can't this friend do the same? Be mature about it? I don't like hurting him, and I'll keep seeing him in classes, so I'm not sure how to go from here. I have an unread message from him as I write this. What do I say now? He's really starting to get on my nerves...
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 June 2014):
 For many people they feel a sense of entitlement. Your friend did because he was hoping that by telling you, he could change your mind. I think he already knew you don't feel the same way about him and he didn't care. NOR does he care now that you don't WANT to go there.
You on the other hand need to stop sticking your head in the sand. It won't make HIS feelings go away either.
I agree with FA - you need to remove him as a friend, because HE CAN NOT be a friend to you, he WANTS more. And he doesn't respect you, the thinks if he keeps pushing you will GIVE in and be with him. That is NOT a friend.. OR a good guy.
What do you do? You be honest with him. Tell him you can't be friends when he can't respect you and your feelings. That you rather he stops texting you. Be polite when you run into him but I would avoid to much time spend with him.
It sucks to lose a friend.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2014): I agree with Father Advice. The fact that you wanted him to ignore those feelings just to maintain a friendship that wouldn't have worked out anyway was a far cry from a mature decision yourself. You shouldn't want a friend to suffer silently as they fantasize about being with you. You should want them to express their feelings so that they can gain closure in some way or form. However, the method he is using is definitely an annoying and an inconsiderate one. He refuses to let YOUR feelings be the ultimate deciding factor. This is not love or a show of friendship. This is plain and simple obsession. As it would happen, I did confess to my crush two weeks ago. Her responds was that she didn't feel the same. In order for me to completely move on, I asked if there was a chance she would ever change her mind. She said no and apologized. I know in her mind she thought she was hurting me beyond words, and maybe she was, but in the end, that was the best thing I could hope for. She gave me closure and the gift of not having lingering hope. I'm still her friend and I find myself moving on easier knowing we will never be rather than having a little ray of hope, someday expecting us to be together.My point is, YOU have to take charge now. Delete him, block him, be harsh. Do whatever you have to to make him understand that it will never happen. The reason why he keeps on insisting the situation will change is because you're trying too hard to spare his feelings. In doing so, he has a warped expectation that you CAN care for him in a deeper way. I know its harsh but you have to destroy that last hope he's holding on to. Its actually the nicest thing you can do for him now.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 June 2014):
 No he hasn't gone crazy. I would say that a crazy situation exists. This is what you need to know:
He has feelings for you. Not expressing those feelings does not change the fact that they exist. His choice to express those feelings without your consent did not change anything. The friendship was doomed anyway. This is not caused by some immaturity on his part. Your insistence that he ignore the real feelings that he has for the benefit of your comfort is not realistic, kind or mature.
This is what you need to do:
Remove him from your stable of friends. He will never be happy there and he is annoying to you. Cutting him out soon is the kindest thing you can do.
FA
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