A
female
age
51-59,
*ayroen
writes:Dear CupidI have recently found out my husband has joined facebook. He looked up a old schoolfriend he was once inlove with in school. He has only written twice to her, cause I found out and approached him. He told me he done it cause his unhappy in his marriage. He never spends time with me and I always get the feeling his interest is alot in other woman and no-more me. I am a housewife so I dont look smart everyday. Can that maybe be the reason and if it is will it change the fact his attraction to other woman besides his wife. I know men are automatically attracted to beautiful woman but does it effect my marriage? Must I make myself beautiful at all times. Please help me I had three stroke cause of stress I dont want to have anymore strokes because of this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): In a way I feel silly about my previous answer but I am a bit of a romantic, and yea, I believe that if there is something worth fighting for that you should do it, but after your last post…. I have chanced my tune. This man must feel so low about himself, that he is using you as his mirror, his punching bag, he doesn’t want you to go to gym, probably coz he knows if you had to get your sexy ass into a pool at the gym that other men wouldn’t be able to stop themselves from staring, he might be scared that you will meet prince charming when he’s not there to break you down before you can even allow yourself to think that you worth more than what he is giving you at the moment, before someone else can say your are beautiful he will make you feel like shit. If he breaks you down enough and long enough you will probably start believing that you not worth anything and that is not right, he wants to be the puppet master and make you jump to his tune and just go along with this play he has set together. But you don’t have to. DO everything I said previously but this time don’t do it for him go to gym yourself, tie your hair back look after you for you, and soon you will find the strength God placed inside each and every woman, strength to know that she is stronger than anything else when it comes to protecting her children and herself, you will have strength to get through this you just need to find it within yourself, if he is not willing to change his ways, you need to change yours away from him, emotional and mental abuse is so much worse than physical abuse, and just becoz there is no bruise doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt it doesn’t mean that he is not abusing you, think about it before he destroys you. A father is not only a sperm donor and a husband is not just the person you provide food for every night and be his play mate when ever he feels the mood coming on, you know you deserve better and I am sure he knows that you can get It as well. This is really messy and yea we all gave you different opinions, and I am sure that you will make it through this stronger and wiser than before, please keeps us posted.Good luck XXX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Hi Mayroen,
Ufff, your situation is not an easy one.
I learned from the past that if somebody is accusing you from something (like you want to keep an eye on him at the gym) and you are sure that it is not true, it means that they are accusing you for something they are doing themselves.
Your husband has no responsibility for his family life and he has no repect for you at all.
He has no respect for you at home, so be sure that he has also no respect for you when he is not at home.
It is difficult to see from here what you should do. Also we cannot see your financial situation.
I would work on a few sites, taking care yourself, go to the gym, starting to take initiative to take your children for a picknick or something that doesn't has to cost money.
(what is the age of your children?).
Find a way for birth control, coils - IUD for example.
You haven't found the nicest and most respectful guy, but also more respectful men will not be happy without 'the real thing'. And a condom, yeah he acts like an A-hole, so you can expect (I also don't like).
And last but not least, keep on talking to him and not fighting, if he throws (shouts) the words to you, take control of the situation and react with soft words, (repeat his name until he is listening and start to tell him your vision.
Hope it helped a bit, have faith, believe in yourself and take more control.
All the best for you
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A
female
reader, Mayroen +, writes (13 February 2009):
Mayroen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to say thank you to Girly69. You made me do some thinking, and has put some hope into me. Thanks.I also want to say thank you to Gina. Gina you are absolutely right in what you said. Thank you so much for opening my eyes, I hope everything works out for me. thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): You don’t have to go all out with this, simply put on something clean when he gets home, LOL being a housewife is a messy job, get rid of the kids and have a romantic evening at home just the two of you, speak to him about this tell him that you did not realize how all this was affecting him but you want it to change, be honest about what you feel, and how you feel about him, I often find that sometimes we just need to hear the other person say I Love You, and you are my world! Try and remember what use to get him ticking and try that, he obviously loves you still, but he wants you to take care of yourself for him, you wouldn’t like it much if he had a fat boep, and greasy hands would you? South Africa housewife and housewife’s overseas are so so so different, it’s a hard task and yea you don’t have much time for yourself, and our men tend not to realize how hard that job is. I will keep my fingers crossed for you, we all deserve to be happy,
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A
female
reader, Mayroen +, writes (13 February 2009):
Mayroen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear GinalolabrdgaI told him that exact words of him been disrespectful to me doing what he did. He freaked out he shouted at me told me I must ask myself why he did that. He blames me. He says he done nothing wrong he just wrote two questions and if I dont stop this nagging he will for sure carry on with it then I have myself to blame if things get out of hand.I canot talk to him he says he wont do these things if I must ask myself why he did it. I dont know what he means but am I really to blame is it all my fault what must I do?
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A
female
reader, Mayroen +, writes (13 February 2009):
Mayroen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear SuresheexistsI have tried going to the gym. I have asked my husband, he hates the idea. The reason he gave me was " there are men at the gym who takes advantage of beautifl woman". He joins a gym I wanted to join with him, so he told me I only want to go with him because I am too insecure, so I want to keep an eye on him. I told him thats not true why would I want to do that He got angry at me, and we started in a bad argument where we threw words at each-other.And as for him taking me out I have asked or should I tell you Im still asking for six years. He never has time and when he does his either doing his thing like working on the computer or reading etc. I sometimes go alone to my mom cause he tells me he is busy to go along. If I dont go to my mom I will never get out of the house, he takes me no-where fun, me and the children. And talking of my sex life I cant say for sure, he asked me if I have a problem with the term called coitus interuptus, i hope I spell it correct, I dont like it and when i suggested a condom he told me he dont like it, I have a bad reaction to contraceptives so I cant use them or dont know what to use.My husband is a drinker Im not. when he drinks he is very happy with himself then he wants to take me and the children to his friends or some-one just so that he can drink further in company.
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A
female
reader, Mayroen +, writes (13 February 2009):
Mayroen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answer. I will put in a lot of thought in what you said. I dont deny it but I have been neglecing myself. I am going to try this approach, looking sexy for my husband when he comes from work. I hope its not too late though, cause it really seems he lost a lot of interest in me, I only hope the reason is about me neglecting myself and nothing more. But as of from now Im approching a new look.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009):
I always say facebook is the devils play ground, and I don’t even have an account there, i can understand how your husband feel, and I understand what you are feeling, I am not saying what he did was right, but he could’ve seen it as you not taking interest in yourself, and not taking interest in your relationship with him.
The opinions of the men in our life’s does matter a lot to us, the way they see us and treat us, yea I know how we can start neglecting ourselves after being in a relationship for that long, ive been with my BF for 6 years and yea sometimes I also think he wouldn’t mind me walking around with my torn shorts and oversized T-Shirt, and in a way he doesn’t but when I dress up it shows him that I care about my appearance, yea I don’t have to dress up for other men, but when I look after my hair, and skin and every now and again put on something sexy for him he appreciates it, its like owning a car, when you 1st buy that car, its all shiny and sexy you want to drive it all day and night coz you feel proud being in that car, and being in public in that car, but if you never washed your car, and it was full of bumps and dents would you still feel so proud???
Looking after your personal appearance says a lot about how you feel about yourself and life. Men are attracted to beautiful things yea, but what is more attractive is the woman they love looking good for them, life as a house wife is tuff, you clean you scrub and wash, so I understand you cant run around the house in high heels all the time, but make time for yourself and your husband, dress up look sexy show him the woman he loves.
Relationships need to be worked on everyday, sometimes its real tough but if you make it through….
Good luck with this, and do let us know how things are going
try and see a coucilor that could give you professional advise
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): You should find out the reasons why he is unhappy (and are you so happy??), visit a counselor, but also start TODAY, NOW work on your relation, because I feel that you need to do this.Love is verb, and to keep the love awake both must work on it. You tell that you are a housewife , soooo what?????, use the advantage of being a housewife. Go to the Gym, make yourself beautiful every day, wear your beautiful clothes during the week, OFCOURSE it helps, put candles on the table at dinner, go to bed at the same time. Switch off TV. Go together to a theater or a city trip.How is your sexlife? Are you happy with it? is your husband happy with it?Many men with a good sex life are often also happy with their partner.Make nice food every day, drink a glass of wine. Make every time when you have a dinner it looking like something special and romantic. Start today, make your house with soft romantic light or better only everywhere candles, wear nice clothes. Prepare a nice meal and when he comes home, kiss him and touch him on his sensitive places and bring you both to higher places...If you had done this every day, do you think that he was looking for his old schoolfriend??Again, Love is verb, a verb for two.Good luck and keep us posted.
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